Yankee Pot Roast


Birthday Cards to Celebrities

Cupcake! Dear Bryan Ferry,

I swear I'm trying, but after 15 years of blissfully obeying your Hakuna Matata philosophy, I'm starting to worry again. The other day Fox News flagrantly manipulated data before my very eyes. They were running through state-by-state electoral math based upon that morning's new polling data, and when they got to Florida, of all places, they said this, I swear: Kerry's slightly ahead by today's polls, 49-48(ish?), but since Bush has been consistently edging him out, we're going to go ahead and give the state to the Republicans, expecting this temporary fluke to reverse itself soon. And then when they added it all up, they proudly announced Bush would stomp over Kerry, were the election held today, with a 50-something electoral lead. But the numbers didn't add up that way! They plainly said they were dismissing a number that would've forced them to admit a Kerry victory. And no one called them on this, Bobby. Bobby? I mean... Bryan. Um... Shit. I started writing this card thinking you were the “Don’t Worry, Be Happy” guy. Bobby McFerrin, that's his name. Admit it, they sound alike. Bobby McFerrin, Bryan Ferry. It's pretty close. Well, sorry to have wasted your time. Happy 49th Birthday anyway.