The Top Docs Issue He’s not like a doctor doctor, but Hubie will make you feel all right, all the time. Check him out over at the News Shop. Bring a box of Puffs tissue. It’s code, man. Get…
My first life lesson to you guys will be this: Telling a secret to someone in front of reporters is pretty much the same thing as telling that person a not-secret. That’s a saying I made up.
Happy Birthday, Alec Baldwin! With the election for Baldwin Brothers president approaching, I have some concerns that I’ll need to work through before casting my ballot.
Happy Birthday, Wayne Newton! Frankly, Wayne, I don’t know if I want to pay 400 dollars to see a lounge singer who doesn’t sport a creepy, pencil-thin ’stache.
Frankly speaking, the pieces lack culinary insight, are laden with obscene—often belligerent—language, and frequently fail to mention a restaurant or food.
Here’s the note you wanted me to write so you don’t feel left out
because your friends’ moms are all putting notes in their kids’
lunches. Some mommies work.
… the RoboSapien Owner’s Manual; … Chuck Scarborough’s Novel about an Earthquake Striking New York City; … the Catholic Defense League’s 1994 Report on Anti-Catholicism in the Media.
Family Hour w/ Auntie Sara (… w/ Geoff!) Your humble coëditor, Mr. Geoff Wolinetz, will regale you with tales of the Wolinetz clan this Friday night when he joins other prodigal sons and daughters at Family Hour w/ Auntie Sara, New York City’s most dysfunctional comedy night.
A Half Decade of Pot Roast That’s right, this week marks five (5) long years that this humble journal has been publishing a daily(-ish) dose of the finest literary satire money can buy. To celebrate, we’re republishing some of our favorite past pieces …
Material to be Adapted Best Last night the Coen boys won three Academy Awards for their adaptation of Cormac McCarthy’s gloomy neo-Western, No Country for Old Men (Ningún país para los viejos hombres). Mr. McCarthy previously dissected his process for producing bleak, dreary masterpieces:
Did it ever occur to you that the simple phrase “Be My Sweetheart” (hereafter referred to as B.M.S.) has been occluded by the desalinization of love, or rather the concept of love, which has been transmuted into an ironic declaration of faux-sentiment for the benefit of self-fulfillment of sheeplike masses (SLM) with the endless Hollywoodization and crass consumer-mongering of the media bouyed by the post-Christmas Holiday onslaught of sales-driven shelf-filling multinational retail conglomerates intent on upping the ante on first-quarter revenue? 1
The Failure of Pre-Game Hype to Capture the Imagination of a Public Oversaturated with Every Other Kind of Hype … The Continued Decision to Play the Game Ridiculously Late in the Day Just So We’ll Be Forced to Watch a Damned Episode of House … Tom Petty as Half-Time Attraction as Last Gasp of an Ever-More-Obviously Exhausted and Desperate Baby Boom Generation
As we saw in the last chapter, the trail is rough, and there will be times when it is appropriate to let loose a volley of cuss words such as goldangit, dadgummit, or goddammit.
We, The Consortium of Hollywood Producers, met this weekend over hookers and Mallomars at our Santa Monica lair and agreed that we’re not really all that concerned with your writer’s strikey thing.
The Creepy Endlessness and Ultimate Enshrinement of The Simpsons, Fine and Brilliant as It Plainly Is … The Preponderance of Psuedo-Simpsonian, Semi-Subversive Cartoons, Not Half as Clever as They Pretend to Be, by a Certain Ubiquitous Animator Whose Stuff Actually Stinks and Is Tiredly Predictable
I really dig that Obama. Sharp guy and young, too. So I think Barack Obama would rock my vote because he’s probably the only candidate who knows my music. Cool name, too!
Stylish woman, late 20s, slightly Eastern European accent. Black mini-dress, heels. Drinks white wine. Wants to take me home and drug me to harvest my kidneys.
Is Major League Baseball a harmless athletic competition—or a front, a hideous ruse designed to lure healthy young men into the sordid world of male prostitution?
Have I offended somebody’s sense of decorum and decency? I’ve already made it very clear through countless other department-wide memos that I’m violently allergic to nuts, and this fruitcake is littered with almonds.
What long-discarded premise can be plucked from the dust of antiquity, polished and refashioned into something I, an adorable tyke, will want to see again and again? One thing’s for certain: it will need some references to hip-hop culture.
Widely recognized for its exciting, high-stakes battles, War is played avidly worldwide, though some criticize it for ultimately being drawn out and tiresome.
As much as I treasure solitude, your recent bundle of poems brought a much-needed ray of sunshine, followed by a cold front and precipitous sinus relief.
Poor navigation, nonresponsive support, and the complete lack of concrete results top this year’s list of design mistakes in the human condition, according to the 2007 user survey from noted usability expert Jakob Neilson.
As we approach the hour of the Festival of the Great One, when we bow and offer sacrifice to He of the Moon and the Tides, I must speak openly and say it will take more than a mere car alarm to thwart Indiana Jones from stealing the golden image of our Most Supreme Tecuciztécatl,.
For the upcoming Scary Monsters (and Super Creeps) release, I thought I would suggest trying on another character again: Pierre Gremaud—1970s Parochial School Perfect Attendance Zeitgeist!
Let me just start by saying that in no way, shape, or form do I believe, even for a nanosecond, that the Bush administration has lied to or misled the American public regarding any aspects whatsoever about the war in Iraq, and that I am 407 feet and two inches tall.
Tetris Few have seen the localized Japanese version, which replaced the falling blocks with fluffy kittens, mutant eggplant zombies, and irritatingly horny schoolgirls.
Hollywood spends billions and billions of dollars on Nicolas Cage movies every year. Half the time these movies come out with some craaaazy mistakes in them.
Now it’s time to do the numbers.
With undying love,
If you caught 
Hollywood spends billions and billions of dollars on Nicolas Cage movies every year. Half the time these movies come out with some craaaazy mistakes in them.
