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Literary Dustup
Thursday, December 20, 2001   |    Test Page


Ah, 2005—We remember it well. Geoff Wolinetz played the titular role in Who Wants to Be a Millionaire?, Josh Abraham asked if he could shoot a film in your bathroom*, and Nick Jezarian ate fifty-one grilled cheese sandwiches in an hour, besting his previous record by three sandwiches and no vomit. And the Y.P.R. editors three joined the ranks of the new Cracked magazine, forthcoming in 2006

Cultural critics Will Layman and Chris Osmond, in possession of disquietude meters so finely tuned they can detect the seismic disturbances of a brow being furrowed anywhere on the continent, have kept their unblinking eyes trained upon modern trends that disquiet.

Disquieting Modern Trends

Our across-the-pond ally, Steve Finbow, reported on the escapades of musicians seeking shelter on tour.

Pop Stars in Hotel Rooms

Following, some of our very favorite selections from this past year, and a special tip of the hat to Y.P.R.’s very frequent contributors. We’ve begged them to stop, but they keep sending us brilliant material.

Thanks to everyone who made 2005 possible for this humble journal. In 2006, we’ll be switching format to reggaeton/salsa, and we hope you’ll all stick along for the ride.

Those from Whom No Guff Will Be Brooked by Mary Phillips-Sandy

What It’s Like to Have Sex with Me by Chris Granger

I Am a Terrible Person to Cheat on Your Boyfriend With by Matt Borden

Unlikely Pen Pals: Penny Dobson, Seventh-Grader from Suburban New Jersey circa 1985, and Vladimir Tarkovsky, Inmate of a Siberian Gulag circa 1952 by Aaron Starmer

Questions for Discussion by Joseph Rogers

Chuck Palahniuk Mows the Lawn by Jesse Kavadlo

How to Get a New York City Straphanger to Bankroll Your Alternative Lifestyle by Tony Antoniadis

Hamlet by P. G. Wodehouse by Jaime J. Weinman

Excerpt from an Article Found in the Handbill for ‘Let’s Combat Hunger: A Fashion Charity Soirée,’ November 14, 2005, New York, New York by Mike Sacks

Karl Rove’s Ringside Boasts by Michael Rottman

Rejected Letters to Penthouse Forum by Ed Murray

An Internet Humor Writer Comes Clean by Christopher Monks

Sad Face/Happy Face

Mr. Teddy Wayne

Judy and Jim in Paris
I Am Tom Cruise, and I Love Women
The Weatherman’s Weekend Forecast
The Night of Standup Comedy I Recently Saw, Reduced to Its Logical Abstractions, as per Freud’s Wit and Its Relation to the Unconscious
Temping in Vatican City
Other Overwrought Acceptance Speeches
David Foster Wallace, TV Guide Synopsist
Ms. Amy Shearn

The Most Excellent () and Lamentable () Tragedy of Romeo and Juliet, Told Entirely in Emoticons
Molly Bloom Takes Manhattan
The New Harry Potter Book, as Dictated by My Boss, Brian Schmutto
Mr. Wayne Gladstone

Subtle Changes to the Titles of Children’s Shows That Would Require Drastic Changes in Program Content
A Frequent Contributor to a Popular Internet Humor Site Is Transported Back in Time, and, after Finding Work as a Writer on Your Show of Shows, Is Reprimanded by Sid Caesar within One Week
A Real Estate Agent’s Tour Of Hannigan’s Cove: Fictional Town For Rent Or Sale To Aspiring Novelists

Mr. Mick Stingley

An American Psycho Christmas
Thank You for Taking Me to See Your Friend’s Band
Excerpts from Paul Stanley’s Testimony Before the Senate Armed Services Committee Regarding the Capability and Readiness of the Kiss Army™ in the War Against Terror™
Editor’s Letter
Notes to Hoobastank Street-Teamers for Posting CD Reviews on
As Reviewed by Ben Brantley
Mr. Russell Bradbury-Carlin

Pay the Rent: A Solo Play Exploring Gender Politics
Masters of My Domain: My Vices as Characters from “Seinfeld”
I Sound My Chlorophyll Yawp
Hills Like Stuffed Tigers: Calvin Discovers Hemingway
The Absent Adults of Childhood Favorites Speak
Mr. Brian Beatty

Aardvarks Like Root Beer: Nine Poems
All About Me: 12 Poems
Ten Tiny Poems

Ms. Angela Genusa

LeBron James, from an Interview in the March 2005 Issue of GQ and the King James Bible
Kurt Cobain’s Ghost with an Invitation to a Fourth of July Picnic and Fireworks
Morrissey Addresses the Graduating High-School Class of 2005
Extremely Long and Incredibly Bad Writer’s Block
A Day in My Life as Reviewed by Rolling Stone
Airbag Warnings
Mr. Will Layman

Woody’s Sketches for His Next Four Pictures
The Recently Discovered “Erotick Poetry” of Daniel Chelly-Ladbourne
“B.L.T.”: A Review
If the Republicans Were Making GEICO Commercials
Mr. Jonathan Stern

The People Recommend
Lesser Known Secrets from Secret Antiperspirant & Deodorant …
When Yakov Smirnoff Was King
Mr. Jeremy Martin

Highlights from Kurt Vonnegut’s Friar’s Club Roast
The Good News
Two Real Case Studies in Snap Judgment Involving My Parents

The Y.P.R. Book-of-the-Month(-ish) Club

The Y.P.R. Book Club read and discussed the following notable books of the year: J. K. Rowling’s Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince, Jonathan Safran Foer’s Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close, Sam Lipsyte’s Home Land, Malcolm Gladwell’s Blink!, and the Complete Canon of Kurt Vonnegut Jr..

Foer This!

Kurt Vonnegut Jr.Blink!

What else happened to Y.P.R. this year?

Frequent contributor Angela Genusa reported to us that David Sedaris, the noted anecdotist, is delighted with Yankee Pot Roast.”

Foreign correspondent Han Yao Wen presented our readers ten prime examples of The Humor from China, a piece which had the unfortunate timing of being published on April 1st, thus prompting many readers to question if it were real or a joke. Mr. Yao Wen is a real, live comedy writer living in Yulin City—unless the joke is on us. (Possible.)

R.I.P., Nipsey Russell |
Dear Nipsey

R.I.P., H.S.T.

Was the Pope Polish?: John Paul II, 1920-2005

Temping in Vatican City by Teddy Wayne.

RadarRadar magazine rose from the dead only to re-die three issues later, just like Christ.

Y.P.R. and Maureen Dowd engaged in some fantasy role-playing games. Maureen Dowd, Avenging Angel
Maureen Dowd, Avenging Angel

The New York Post-Times">As did The New York Times and Post.

Michael Chabon separated fact from fiction for us (The Amazing Adventure of Michael Chabon and the Golem)

Kent Roberts, author of A Portrait of Yo Momma,
Frequent contributor and disease enthusiast Dennis DiClaudio, author of The Hypochondriac’s Big Book of Scare-the-Shit-Out-of-You Diseases
brought a message from Avian Influenza.

? ? ? ? ?

Y.P.R. distributed those five question marks to faux mad scientist Malcolm Gladwell, Queens boy Sam Lipsyte, the almost-famous Sasha Frere-Jones, convicted necropheliac Andrei Codrescu, and disease enthusiast Dennis DiClaudio.

One-Question Interviews

Y.P.R. continued its ongoing coverage of the most successful comic strip in the history of the world.

Daily Garfield® Digest

Maureen Dowd, Avenging Angel