Thursday, June 27, 2002

As I sit here behind my desk at a major media company, my right leg laying prostrate in an immobilizing brace due to a knee injury incurred a week prior, I can not help but laugh. Are there not more mobile pursuits? Is there not more
to life than watching Match Game 78 on the Game Show Network? I submit that there may not be. It is difficult to imagine anything more satisfying than watching Charles Nelson Reilly laugh voraciously into the camera and provide the answer to "Dumb Dora is so dumb. (How dumb is she?) To keep her hair in place, instead of using hair spray, she used spray (blank)." Charles Nelson Reilly is a dear friend of mine. I do not wish to hurt his tender feelings, nor to I wish to make light of his incisive intellect. I do, however, have to take issue. I do not think that "varnish" is the definitive answer in this instance. As I lay in my bed, right leg elevated, I scream into the twilight air "Paint! Say ‘paint’!" Alas, my screams go unheeded, echoing off of the walls of my spacious 3-bedroom apartment on the Upper West Side like so many echoes. For this episode has taken place nearly 25 years ago, when I was but a colt, as opposed to the stallion I am today.

Friends, I look forward to the days hence, to sharing more insight and perhaps a wicked phat bong hit with you. Do not fear, young squires, for I shall return.

Geoff Wolinetz cannot be found on IMDb because the Hollywood community refuses to acknowledge the production of his seminal masterpiece Come What May, a gritty psychothriller starring a guy who kind of looks like Billy Baldwin and Erin Gray (formerly of “Silver Spoons”). If he were to be found on IMDb, his name would fall between “Geoff Witcher” and “Geoff Wood.” In addition to his imaginary film career, Geoff also maintains an imaginary career as a baron of industry, is lead singer of the imaginary band Kick Ass, Falco, holds an imaginary Olympic gold medal and is an imaginary Pulitzer laureate in the field of journalism for his investigative piece on the albinos of Alaska.

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