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The Journal of Literary Satire | Hastily Written & Slopilly Edited
Sunday, February 16, 2003

A Miramax Development Executive’s Notes on My Date Last Night

-- More cleavage on the girl.

-- The guy’s jokes aren’t funny. Are they supposed to be? Or are we going for awkward?

-- How many sisters does she have? Three? Four? I’m confused.

-- The whole bit about her ex-boyfriend doesn’t really go anywhere. Lose it.

-- Italian restaurant is cliché. If we go Italian, make it red-checkered tablecloths and annoying guys singing, etc. Let’s make it something more exciting, something with the opportunity for conflict. Karaoke? Bowling? Something.

-- How many times does she go to the bathroom? It gets redundant.

-- The story he tells about cow-tipping upstate is dumb. Lose it.

-- The waiter is almost nonexistent. Spice up his character more. Maybe he’s clumsy and spills something on his pants. That could be funny. Give him a thicker accent too, it may provide some opportune confusion. Or lose the whole restaurant.

-- The guy is fidgety. The girl is annoying. I’m not really sure I like either one of them. Not much chemistry. Needs work.

-- The whole second act kind of stretches thin.

-- The guy who proposed to her in her story—Is that the same ex-boyfriend who went stalky? It’s confusing, and it sounds very sitcom-y. Combine these characters, or lose them.

-- When they get drunk, they’re REALLY annoying. She gets talky and sappy, he gets obnoxious. Make them get goofy, funny, drunk--and maybe a little randy. Think more Sex & the City and less Leaving Las Vegas.

-- Why doesn’t this end in sex? Where’s the resolution?

Josh Abraham was born in Algeria in 1913. He spent his early years in North Africa, working various jobs--in the weather bureau, in an automobile-accessory firm, in a shipping company--to help pay for his courses at the University of Algiers. As a young journalist, his report on the unhappy state of Muslims in the Kabylie region aroused the Algerian government to action and brought him public notice. From 1935 to 1938 he ran the Théâtre de l'Equipe, a theatrical company that produced plays by Malraux, Gide, Synge, and Dostoevsky. During World War II he was one of the leading writers of the French Resistance and editor of Combat, then an important underground newspaper. Abraham's fiction, his philosophical essays, and his plays have assured his preëminent position in modern French letters. In 1957 Abraham was awarded the Nobel Prize for Literature. His sudden death on January 4, 1960, cut short the career of one of the most important literary figures of the Western world when he was at the very summit of his powers. No, wait. That was Albert Camus.