Friday, February 21, 2003

Cha Cha Cha

I think about you when Autumn blesses us with the scent of freshly picked apples,
As it wafts through the crisp fall air.
I sense your spirit looking down upon me.
I can see your strong hands—
    Well defined,
Yet capable of the gentlest touch.

I remember how your broad smile
Would warm the room.

But what I remember the most,
Is the way you would let a screaming fart
In public.

And proudly whisper,
        For only you and I to hear,
Cha, Cha, Chaaaaaaaaaa … .

Nick Jezarian is clearly a superbly built creation resulting from the union of man, woman, and crustacean. Nick’s crustacean heritage contributes to his being mostly belligerent, constantly angry, yet always amused. Considering Nick’s criminal spelling and grammar habits, the fact that he is part of the Y.P.R. brain trust doesn’t say much about the site. Josh and Geoff have driven Nick’s writing to new levels as he sends his Guff to the staff in an elaborate binary code that can only be deciphered by the light of pixie dust. Nick is Y.P.R.’s resident hip-hop expert, as he owns three CDs and once stabbed 50 Cent. Nick’s favorite word is “word.”

That One Time I (an American) Called England (a Country in Europe) [Following is a transcription of a telephone call in which I, a fat, lazy American, had to speak with a business associate in England (a country in Europe). The transcription is as honest and accurate as memory serves.] Englishman: (speaking...
From the Producers of "24" Episode 1: "Urine, You're Out" -- 12:00 a.m. to 1:00 a.m. The telephone rings and it's the call of nature. Our hero stumbles out of bed toward the bathroom, but does he make it? Or does the potted plant get...

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