I am Y.P.R.'s Boring Logo
The Journal of Literary Satire | Hastilly Written & Sloppilly Edited

RSD | RSS I | RSS II | Atøm | Spanish

Support Submit
From the Y.P.aRchives Fun, Fickle Fiction (for Free!) Fact, Opinion, Essay, & Review Spectacular Features, Calendrical Happenings, Media Gadflies Poetry & Lyric Advice, How To, & Self-Help Listicles Semi-Frequent Columns Letter from the Editors Disquieting Modern Trends Interviews Interviews with Interviewers One-Question Interviews The Book Club Media Gadflies Calendrical Happenings Roasts Correspondence (Letters To and Letters From) Letters from Y.P.R. Letters to Y.P.R. Birthday Cards to Celebrities Pop Stars in Hotel Rooms Shreek of the Week of the Day Polish Facts: An Antidote to the Polish Joke The Y.P.aRt Gallery Illustrious Illustration Photography Photomontage Graphic Design Logo Gallery What's Up with That? Fuit Salad Nick's Guff Vermont Girl The M_methicist Daily Garfield Digest New & Noteworthy Contributors' Notes Et Cetera, Et Cetera, Et Cetera The Y.P.aRchives
Commons License
This journal is licensed under a Creative Commons License and powered by Movable Typo 4.01.
Y.P.R. & Co.

Sunday, March 23, 2003
Oscar Coverage 2003

Bruce Vilanche's To-Do List

March 23, 2003

  • finish that joke about The Pianist … I know a punch line’s in there somewhere.
  • groom curly golden locks
  • corner Billy Crystal; ask why he won’t return my calls
  • need punchline for that joke about Nicole’s fake nose and Steve Martin’s old Roxanne nose …
  • lick pudding off my Grimace T-shirt
  • eat half-dozen éclairs
  • think of joke re: Chicago’s Zellweger & Zeta-Jones … letter Z … is there anything there? zebras? Zeus?
  • make clever joke about war in Iraq/my pet macaque
  • corner Whoopi; ask why she won’t return my calls
  • polish my Emmy
  • seesaw with Michael Moore
  • work on that “Big Fat Greek Wedding/Big Fat Gay Variety-Show Writer” joke
  • cry self to sleep for mid-afternoon nap
  • eat remaining half-dozen éclairs
  • bubble bath with Michael Moore
  • Lord of the Rings/of the Dance: is that too predictable? can McKellan still dance?
  • corner Martin Mull; ask why he won’t return my calls
  • 20-minute belching session
  • practice shadow puppets for Julia
  • if belching session goes well, challenge Dame Judi to Belching Contest
  • do annual sit-up
  • schedule waxing
  • find more éclairs
  • last-minute cry
  • showtime!