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Sunday, March 23, 2003
Oscar Coverage 2003

Poetry & Lyric
Crappy Oscar Song that Is Not Clever but Shoots for Cheap Laughs Based on Recognition of Pop Melodies and the Juxtaposition of Movie Titles

It’s a wonderful night for Oscar
Oscar, Oscar
Come and see.

It’s a wonderful night for Oscar
Oscar, Oscar
Nominees …

And the nominees are …

[To the tune of “Jungle Love” by the Steve Miller Band]

She brought her car to the mechanic
He thought he had seen her before
He called up a phone sex hotline
Then kicked out his sister’s glass door

Punch-Drunk Love!
It’s driving him mad
It’s making him crazy!

[To the tune of “One” from A Chorus Line]

Gang patrolling New York
Bowery Boys’ll kick your ass!

Daniel Day-Lewis
This movie isn’t drek!

Ooh! Ahh!
He came out of his hiding
This movie we are dying

Gangs! Of! New York!

[To the tune of “Don’t Stop Believin’” by Journey]

Just a small planet queen, now she is a Senator
She took a midnight ship out to Coruscant
She’s sitting in her room, waiting for Anakin
They tried to rub her out down in Coruscant

Nerds mobbed movie theaters, just to get their Jedi fix
Sith or Jedi, who will wiiiiiiiin?
I went, gave wedgies, it’s how I get my kicks
Attack of the Clones in the niiiiiiiiiiiiight!

[To the tune of “D’Yer Maker” by Led Zeppelin]

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
Unfaithful is hot-hot-hot-hot-hot-hot
Richard Gere is not-not-not-not-not-not
Baby, please don’t gooooooooooooooooooo

I love Diane Lane-Lane-Lane-Lane-Lane-Lane
All pleasure, not pain-pain-pain-pain-pain-pain
Baby, please don’t gooooooooooooooooooo

When I saw her cheat on Gere, it made me glad-glad-glad
When it wasn’t with me-e-e, it made me sad-sad-sad
I still love you so
Just let Rich Gere go
I love you. Ooh, baby I love you.

[To the tune of “Guys and Dolls”]

If you see a bloke getting busted for coke
You can bet that he’s shedding a couple tears
When you spot a man who’s making amends
Chances are he intends to spend his last night with all of his friends.
When you meet a louse going to the big house
For a term that could last almost seven years
It’s not good losing power
But it is his 25th Hour
And this guy’s going to take the falllllllllll

Wonderful night for Oscar
Oscar, Oscar
Who will win?

It’s a wonderful night for Oscar
Oscar, Oscar
This is fin.