Sally Forth

Hey, remember The Fourth of July, 2003? We don't, but found this in our archives:

Fourth of July Fourthiness.

Independence is on the march, patriots.

& Recently . . .

Kurt Cobain's Ghost with an Invitation to a Fourth of July Picnic and Fireworks by Angela Genusa

"B.L.T.": A Review by Will Layman

Ten Tiny Poems by Brian Beatty

Angry Words from a Gnome Who to This Day Continues to Think the Human Genome Project Was Actually The Human Gnome Project by David Ng

Key Party, N.Y.C., Circa Always by William K. Burnette

A Day on the Phone with Mythological Norse Firewarrior, Bringer of Storms by Aaron Belz

Polish Fact

Local long-form name:
Rzeczpospolita Polska
(The Republic of Poland)

Learn a Foreign Tongue!

Sprechen Sie Deutsch?
Was ist im Leben am besten? Ihre Feinde zerquetschen, sie sehen, gefahren vor Ihnen und die Wehklage der Frauen hören!
What is best in life? To crush your enemies, see them driven before you, and to hear the lamentation of the women!

Y.P.aRt Gallery

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Thursday, March 13, 2003   |    Listicles


Selections of Female Body Types Available as Dating Preferences, According to, an Internet Dating Service for Jewish Singles

Small frame
Shapely toned
Firm toned
Toned body
Broad Build

Selections Not Available from

Compulsive shopper
Seeking good hubby material
Daddy’s little princess
Hot and self-aware of hotness
Original nose
New nose
Sloppy when drunk
Good in bed
State-schooled (Daddy bribed with new car)
Doesn’t look Jewish
Smarter/cooler/more sophisticated than you (no inferiority complexes, please)
Social climber
Been around
Girl next door
“Experiments”/”into new things”
Tries for sophisticated, fails
Cultured (dated gentile once)

Selections from
Say It in Yiddish
Edited by Uriel Weinreich and Beatrice Weinreich,
Part of the Dover “Say It” Series, 1958,
One Selection from My Grandmother

Is this table reserved?
Tsee iz DEHR TISH reh-zehr-VEERT?

That one will be free soon.
YEH-nehr vet bahld zin FRI.

Please serve us quickly.
ZIT ah-zoy GOOT, bah-DEENT oondz GEEKH

This is not clean.
Daws eez NIT RAYN.

I want something simple.
Eekh VIL eh-pes PAW-shets.

Not too spicy.

I like the meat cooked rare (well done).
Eekh hawb HAWLT ahz daws FLAYSH eez NIT dehr-BRAW-t’s (GOOT DOORKH-geh braw-t’n).

This is overcooked.
Daws iz EE-behr-geh-kawkht.

This is undercooked.
Dawz iz NIT dehr-KAWKHT.

This is too tough (sweet, sour).
Daw iz TSOO HART (ZEES, ZOY-her).

This is cold.
Daws iz KAHLT.

Take it away, please.
NEMT es TSOO, ZIT ah-zoy GOOT.

I did not order this.
Eekh hawb daws NIT bah-SHTELT.

The check, please.
Dem KHESH-b’n, ZIT ah-zoy GOOT.

Is the tip included?
Tsee iz daws TRINK-gelt ah-RIN-geh-reh-kh’nt?

Is the service charge included?
Tsee iz dehr bah-DEE-noongg-awp-tsawl ah-RIN-geh-reh-kh’nt?

What are these charges for?
Fahr VAWS hawt eer daw geh-REH-kh’nt?

There is a mistake in the bill.
Es iz fah-RAHN ah TAW-es in KHESH-b’n.

Ask the head waiter to come here.
BET dem HOYPT-kel-nehr KOO-men ah-HEHR.

Go crap in the ocean, schmuck.
gay KAHK’n awf’n YAM, SCHMUCK.

Middle-Earth Names That Could Be Yiddish Words or Phrases

Gimli (n.) - Foolish person.
Synonyms: yutz, nebbish, shmendrick
My nephew, Nathan, such a good heart, but, oy, what a gimli.

Pippin (n.) - Penis (diminutive).
Synonyms: Schmuck, putz, schmecke
Always schedule a bris in early in the morning; you don’t want the moyel should have to many glasses of wine as the day goes on, he’ll slip with the knife and butcher the baby’s pippin.

Gandalf (interj.) - Oh heavens!
Similar: Oy vey! Oy gevalt!
Oy gandalf! What a shondah!

Bilbo (n.) - A big nose.
Synonym: schnoz
She could have such a pretty punim, if not for that bilbo! Oy, what a meiskiet.

Frodo (v.t.) - Throw it away!
Feh! That whitefish stinks like death! Frodo! In the trash, and the trash can out the window!

Smeagol (n.) - A bagel overloaded with cream cheese and lox, with the cream cheese squishing through the vortex.
[Etymology: shmear + bagel; early 1800s, Poland]
Oy gandalf, I’m stuffed. I ate a smeagol so big if you saw it, you’d jump out the window.

Éowyn (n.) - A tall, svelte Aryan, usually blonde and blue-eyed.
Charlize Theron? Now there’s an eowyn to bring home to your mother. What a looker!

Gollum (n.) - Lower back pain, esp. from lifting something heavy.
[Not to be confused with golem: a demonic monster made of earth and clay.]
I’d help you with the packages but I have a gollum like the end of the world. You should never know such pain. Oy gandalf!

Gríma Wormtongue(n.) - 1. A filthy mouth; 2. A person who swears.
Who ever heard such a grima wormtongue on such a young boy? Your mother should be ashamed.