Does the Appropriation by Target of Sir Mix-A-Lot's "Baby Got Back" Disquiet You?

Your Disquieting Modern Trendsetters request the pleasure of your commentary. Is Target's recent "Baby Got Back (Pack)" advertisement a modern trend that sparks disquitude? Please drop Messers Layman and Osmond an e-mail.

& Recently . . .

Why Do People Keep Telling Me I'm Racist and Stupid?

by Pierre Cavanaugh

I just don't get it. I am an upstanding member of the business community. I work hard five days a week to make a living. Just the other day I was on the phone with my Jew accountant Finkelstein and...

Dear N.Y.T.B.R. Pt. III

by Josh Abraham

The Editor The New York Times Book Review 229 West 43rd Street New York, N.Y. 10036 March 23, 2003 Dear N.Y.T. Rook Beview, You want blurbs? I’ll give you blurbs. Behold: “Abraham displays a Swiftian gift for satire . ....

Oscar Coverage 2003


Henny Youngman's Lifetime Achievement Award Acceptance Speech

Thank you, thank you. This means a lot to me. It means I'm old. Ha, ha. Hollywood called me, asking me "How much to do a movie with Catherine Zeta-Jones?" "I said $50,000." They called back, "How about $20,000?" I...

Polish Fact

Gross Domestic Product:
$373.2 billion (2002 est.)

Learn a Foreign Tongue!

Sprechen Sie Deutsch?
Was ist im Leben am besten? Ihre Feinde zerquetschen, sie sehen, gefahren vor Ihnen und die Wehklage der Frauen hören!
What is best in life? To crush your enemies, see them driven before you, and to hear the lamentation of the women!

Y.P.aRt Gallery

Syndicate! RSD | RSS I | RSS II | Atøm
Large Print | Spanish Bea! Add to your Kinja digest Creative Commons License
This journal is licensed under a Creative Commons License and powered by Movable Typo 3.15.
© MMV, Y.P.R. & Co.
Tuesday, March 25, 2003   |    Fiction

Nunnery vs. Cathouse

by Geoff Wolinetz


The Place: Caesar’s Palace, Las Vegas
The Date: Saturday, March 29, 2003
The Time: 10:00 p.m.

Featured Matches:

Sister Elizabeth “Lizzie Borden” McGuire
Candy “Striper” Lewis

Sister Lizzie Borden is no stranger to the ring. You’ll all remember her marathon NvC IV match against Wanda the Wanderer that went 12 rounds before Sister Lizzie unfurled her patented “Wimple of Death” and ended the match. She’ll have her hands full with The Candy Striper, who’s no stranger to NvC herself. She won the epic, “Scrtach-O-Rama” match at NvC II that cost Sister Mary “The Freak” Margaret 50 percent of the vision in her left eye. Will Candy be able to stripe Lizzie Borden? Or will Lizzie whack Candy?

Sister “Ave” Maria Raguso
Ginger “Hurricane” Gordon

Ave Maria! She’s coming off a string of successful appearances at NvC, including “The Lancing at Lansing” at NvC V in Lansing, Michigan. Raguso took down Charlotte the Harlot in a wild match that featured Raguso recovering from two takedowns to storm back to victory. Raguso came hard at the Harlot with her vicious “Crucifix,” locking the Harlot into submission. Hurricane is looking to avenge her tag-team partner the Harlot’s loss at NvC V. Will she be able to take out Raguso? Or will Raguso have her singing Ave Maria?

Sister Sarah “The Scare-ah” Wilson
Constance “Connie” Lubbock

Sister Sarah put the scare-ah into NvC VII when she unleashed a brutal pummeling on Donna the Prima Donna, knocking her out in the first round with a new move called, “The Canon-ball”. Connie was just as merciless in her last NvC appearance, taking out Sister Colleen “The Queen” McDonald in less than 90 seconds. The Queen had no chance when Connie busted out her “Bustier.” Can Sister Scare-ah send Connie home crying? Or will Connie turn the tables and put the cream in Scare-ah’s coffee?

Heavyweight Main Event:

Sister Sophia “The Sofa” DiPesto
Kelly “The Bull” Dykeman

The Sofa hasn’t lost yet and no one’s been able to figure out her move, “The Ruler,” least of all Heather “The Weather” Murphy, The Sofa’s latest victim. On the slate for The Sofa tonight is Kelly “The Bull” Dykeman. The Bull has trampled her last 7 opponents and scored a major victory in her NvC début last year at NvC VII, taking out Sister Carmella “The Head” LaTesta. Will The Sofa stand firm or will she become a foldout? Can the Bull charge her way to victory and become the first person to take down The Sofa?

These matches and more, at Nunnery vs. Cathouse VIII: The Reckoning. You don’t want to miss this free-for-all! And guys, anything goes: biting, scratching, kicking, you name it! First 1000 subscribers receive a free, autographed poster of Christine “The Scream” Harvey!

Geoff Wolinetz cannot be found on IMDb because the Hollywood community refuses to acknowledge the production of his seminal masterpiece Come What May, a gritty psychothriller starring a guy who kind of looks like Billy Baldwin and Erin Gray (formerly of "Silver Spoons"). If he were to be found on IMDb, his name would fall between "Geoff Witcher" and "Geoff Wood." In addition to his imaginary film career, Geoff also maintains an imaginary career as a baron of industry, is lead singer of the imaginary band Kick Ass, Falco, holds an imaginary Olympic gold medal and is an imaginary Pulitzer laureate in the field of journalism for his investigative piece on the albinos of Alaska.