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Traditionally observed on the last Monday before the last Tuesday of May, Memorial Day is an occasion for America to remember its fallen heroes with such befitting tributes as department-store sales; big, beefy, bring-your-own-beer barbecues; and three-day-weekend-long Toyotathons.
What any of that has to do with Memorial Day, we don’t know. But here’s some things equally inappropriate:
You’re Invited to the Big Wood Annual Memorial BBQ Bash …!
Happy Birthday, Ian McKellan!
Dear Sir, Happy 64th birthday! To celebrate, I'm playing with my Magneto and Gandalf action figures! I've got original Magneto from X-Men, the new Magneto from X2, and Magneto with Super Magnet-Sticking Action™. It really sticks to everything metal! My... 
A Long-Lost Love Letter from a U.S. Soldier Stationed in Germany During World War II to His Sweetie Back Home, Discovered beneath the Floorboards of this Old Apartment
Dear Bess, I miss you so much. These past six weeks in Germany have really gotten me down. Every night, we eat the same thing: sausages, wiener schnitzel, sauerbraten, knockwurst, bratwurst ...
Happy Birthday, Jewel!
Dear Jewel, Happy 29th Birthday! You are lucky I'm writing you a card at all. Six years ago, I wrote you a letter inviting you to my fraternity's Spring Hawaiian-themed Formal, "Wowie In Maui!" I waited patiently for your response,...
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