Excerpted Transcript of the Worst Game Show Ever
Host: Welcome back, folks! During our commercial break, our judges’ panel voted to award Barry 15 points for his answer, “Denmark.” Turns out that is a country in Europe after all. Who knew? O.K., now’s the time when Barry and Sally will go head to head in our lightning round!
Tina: My name is Tina, Bob.
Host: Please save all questions for the end of the round, Sally.
Tina: It’s Tina!
Host: O.K., here we go! Barry, what is the capital of my pants?
Barry: What? I’m sorry, I don’t … did you say “your pants”?
Host: Sorry, Barry—lightning round! Sally, who invented my pants?
Tina: What? I … my name is Tina. Tina!
Host: O.K., Sally—
Barry: Are all these questions going to be about your pants?
Host:. Barry, what year were my pants introduced?
Barry: What the hell are you talking about?!? Uh, I don’t know, 1982?
Host: No, sorry. Sally, how many miles wide are my pants?
Tina: Two hundred.
Host: No, incorrect. Barry, what poet wrote “My Pants, My Pants”?
Barry: Um … uh … Robert Frost?
Host: Incorrect. Sally, how many pants does it take to pants?
Tina: It says “Tina” on my nametag, and on the big screen on my podium. And, you called me “Tina” for the first two rounds. Did you have a stroke during the commercial break or something?
Barry: Who cares what name he calls you?!? Why is he asking about his pants?
Host: Barry, which president passed the My Pants Act?
Host: More specific?
Barry: Uh? Hmm. Uh. Teddy?
Host: No, sorry. Sally, which pants more? My pants or my pants?
Tina: Um. Your … pants?
Host: Please hold on, I need to consult with the little man who lives in my pants … No, sorry. Incorrect. Barry, if my pants are traveling at 30 miles per hour eastbound—
Barry: O.K., that’s it, I’m leaving.
Host: Well. Well, by default our winner turns out to be Sally!
Host: Step right up to the winner’s circle, Sally … Jakarta was the capital of my pants, Leonardo da Vinci invented my pants, 1936 is the year my pants were introduced, 16.6 miles wide, Longfellow, Franklin Roosevelt, a horsefly, and Chicago. Sally, as our winner, you’ll be receiving a home version of my pants, a new Dell computer, three pairs of my pants, Rice-a-Roni, and… a trip for two to my pants! Plus, of course, you get to come back in the fall for our Tournament of My Pants! Everybody give a big hand for my pants. Thank you, and we’ll see you tomorrow on “My Pants of My Pants!” Good night, folks!