— Listicles —

George Washington's To-Do List, July 4, 1776

— Sand teeth

— Think of rhyme to finish that “Swishy Inbred Monarch” poem

— Give John Adams a Melvin

— Go uptown with Jefferson to pick up some honeys

— Organize annual slave/overseer softball game

— Check in with Betsy re: flag

— Get gay-looking white wig adjusted

— Get key and kite back from Franklin

— Sleep somewhere; hang plaque declaring as such

— Shoot some redcoats

— Chop down that gnarled old cherry tree. Blame Franklin.

— See if those Indians fall for another treaty

— Skinny-dip in the Potomac

— Slip Martha the old Washington monument