Where God Lies
by Nick Jezarian
A Play in One Act
Bill: Holy shit, is that a photo shoot with God?
John 3:14: Yeah, a spread too.
Bill: Is he lying spread-eagle on a map of the Middle East?
John 3:14: I think so.
John 3:14: Yeah, I never realized he was so hairy.
Bill: And hung.
John 3:14: And hung, too. Yes.
Bill: What magazine is that?
John 3:14: Details.
is clearly a superbly built creation resulting from the union of man, woman, and crustacean. Nick's crustacean heritage contributes to his being mostly belligerent, constantly angry, yet always amused. Considering Nick's criminal spelling and grammar habits, the fact that he is part of the Y.P.R. brain trust doesn't say much about the site. Josh and Geoff have driven Nick's writing to new levels as he sends his Guff
to the staff in an elaborate binary code that can only be deciphered by the light of pixie dust. Nick is Y.P.R.'s resident hip-hop expert, as he owns three CDs and once stabbed 50 Cent. Nick's favorite word is "word."