by Ray Stillman
How I Will Refer to My Wife if or When I Get Married (Which, by the Way, I Will Only Refer to as ‘Getting Hitched’)
“The little lady.”
“The lil’ lady.”
“The ol’ ball and chain.”
“My better half.”
And in Private, with Clenched Jaw à la Mr. Howell
once killed a man with his bare hands, although he is not one to brag about such things. He is an aspiring screenwriter, an inspiring poet, and a perspiring photographer. Mr. Stillman is an ex-New Yorker who now lives in scenic, sunny, star-saturated Los Angeles, in an apartment building between a bowling alley and a tatoo parlor. He often finds it difficult to resist the urge to ink "Gutter balls" across the knuckles of his left hand. He has made sweet, sweet love with supermodel Heidi Klum many, many times but, again, is not one to brag.