Happy 45th Birthday.
Look, I know you’re famous, but I have no idea who you are. I’m not even sure I’ve ever seen any of your movies. Were you in that cowgirl flick, Bad Girls? I think I might be confusing you with Mary Stuart Masterson, or Mary Elizabeth Mastrantonio, or Mary-Louise Parker, or maybe Andie MacDowell. I can’t tell all you second-rate B-list actresses apart. I’m sorry. Maybe you should get involved in some scandal or something. Or better yet, get a Maori war marking tattooed on your face like Tyson did. Then I’d never mix you up with Elizabeth Perkins.
Hey, who’s Debra Winger, anyway?