Monday, September 1, 2003

ç Don’t shower
ç Grope chambermaid
ç Piss in chamber pot. Toss out window.
ç Diddle the houseboy.
ç Don’t shower
ç Call Marie re: cake
ç Gaze at my reflection in mirrored hallway. Hump my reflection. Belch.
ç Scratch genitals for an uncomfortable amount of time in front of the Bishop
ç Scratch Bishop’s genitals for an uncomfortable amount of time
ç Enjoy several sleeves of Fig Newton: crispy, crusty, flaky outside, chewy, tender inside.
ç Execute Maurice Chevalier
ç Pass gas (silent but deadly) in grand concourse. Demand someone claim responsibility for it. If no one steps forward, point accusingly at some random schmoe. Have him beheaded.
ç See what else I can slice in two with the guillotine.
ç Look up word “swishy.” Look up word “inbred.” Look up word “Monarch.”
ç Have light lunch with Marie. Take dump on table.
ç Call Henry VIII & Anne Boleyn, invite them over for tonight’s orgy. Make sure Anne brings her extra nipples and fingers.
ç Play chess on life-size board with peasants.
ç Fluff poodle.
ç “Fluff” poodle.
ç Inspect “Little Louis” for signs of syphilitic parasites
ç Do not shower, again.

Useful Phrases for the American in Paris Je recherche un talonneur appelé Marie. Elle peut avoir ma pochette.: I'm looking for a hooker named Marie. She may have my wallet.
Everything Is Translated We mistranslate Jonathan Safran Foer's delightfully mistranslated Everything Is Illuminated.
Random Selections from the 'U' Volume of the Encyclopedia Umbrellas are good for staying dry in the rain... for normal people. Criminal masterminds may see the umbrella as a tool for shooting mind-controlling rays upon the public. Uganda is a country in Africa. There are a lot of black...

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