Sentiments Anti-Français
Louis XIV’s To-Do List
ç Don’t shower
ç Grope chambermaid
ç Piss in chamber pot. Toss out window.
ç Diddle the houseboy.
ç Don’t shower
ç Call Marie re: cake
ç Gaze at my reflection in mirrored hallway. Hump my reflection. Belch.
ç Scratch genitals for an uncomfortable amount of time in front of the Bishop
ç Scratch Bishop’s genitals for an uncomfortable amount of time
ç Enjoy several sleeves of Fig Newton: crispy, crusty, flaky outside, chewy, tender inside.
ç Execute Maurice Chevalier
ç Pass gas (silent but deadly) in grand concourse. Demand someone claim responsibility for it. If no one steps forward, point accusingly at some random schmoe. Have him beheaded.
ç See what else I can slice in two with the guillotine.
ç Look up word “swishy.” Look up word “inbred.” Look up word “Monarch.”
ç Have light lunch with Marie. Take dump on table.
ç Call Henry VIII & Anne Boleyn, invite them over for tonight’s orgy. Make sure Anne brings her extra nipples and fingers.
ç Play chess on life-size board with peasants.
ç Fluff poodle.
ç “Fluff” poodle.
ç Inspect “Little Louis” for signs of syphilitic parasites
ç Do not shower, again.