Sally Forth

Hey, remember The Fourth of July, 2003? We don't, but found this in our archives:

Fourth of July Fourthiness.

Independence is on the march, patriots.

& Recently . . .

Kurt Cobain's Ghost with an Invitation to a Fourth of July Picnic and Fireworks by Angela Genusa

"B.L.T.": A Review by Will Layman

Ten Tiny Poems by Brian Beatty

Angry Words from a Gnome Who to This Day Continues to Think the Human Genome Project Was Actually The Human Gnome Project by David Ng

Key Party, N.Y.C., Circa Always by William K. Burnette

A Day on the Phone with Mythological Norse Firewarrior, Bringer of Storms by Aaron Belz

Polish Fact

Land Area
304,465 sq. km
(slightly smaller than New Mexico)

Learn a Foreign Tongue!

Learn Dutch!
Ik heb twee draaischijven en een microfoon.
I've got two turntables and a microphone.

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Friday, September 26, 2003   |    Etc.

The Apology

Regarding yesterday’s posting of “Hollywood Interruption,” written by Y.P.R. coëditor, Josh Abraham:

  1. First and foremost, the author wishes to apologize for wasting your precious, precious time by forcing upon you a rambling, incoherent outburst about his tired and tiresome day. The author wishes to express his discomfiture and regret at having done such a thing. I mean, what does he think this is, a blog or something?

    Author’s excuse: “I was tired.”

  2. The author wishes to convey his shame and embarrassment regarding such appalling sentence structure and grammar. Seriously, he could just die.
    Author’s excuse: “I was tired.”
  3. The author also wishes to correct the following errors, omissions, and inaccuracies:

    Among the consumables, 1 quart of orange juice was mistakenly omitted.

    In addition to D. Kennedy and C. Klosterman, author Marc Spitz was also participating in the Barbès reading. The omission was possibly due to the author believing him to be, like, a swimmer or something.

    The complete discography of the Doves was listed among the soundtrack; in actuality, The Last Broadcast was nowhere to be found, despite three copies of the CD being owned by writers. Lost Souls was, in fact, played twice successively in its absence. Also, the craving for Debbie Gibson’s Out of the Blue was probably less than genuine.

    The Masterpiece Samwich’s ingredients, in fact, contained two species of salami: Genoa and hard.

    Author’s excuse: “I was tired, and the coals of a psychotic episode were beginning to flare.”

  4. The author would also like to apologize for belaboring the issue of his fatigue so irritatingly.

    Author’s excuse: “I was very, very tired.”

  5. G. Wolinetz, the editor, wishes to express his deep regret for even suggesting the idea that the author give real-time updates chronicling his progress/fatigue. At the time, it seemed like a very good idea. Now, it seems like not only the monumental waste of time described above, but also sucky. Mr. Wolinetz would also like to say that the Mint Chocolate Cookie Balance Gold bar is delicious, and he recommends it highly.

    Editor’s excuse: “It seemed like a good idea at the time, what with the author being so tired.”

  6. Finally, the entire editorial staff of Yankee Pot Roast would like to apologize for the attempted passing of this self-indulgent tripe as ‘daily’ material worth your reading when in fact, at best, it qualifies as Soapbox opinion/editorial piece and, more realistically, belongs among the piles and piles of rejected pieces that we produce each and every day.* Y.P.R.’s regular activity will return on Monday with something so amusing, you’ll soil yourself. Until then, go see The Rundown, opening in theaters nationwide today.

    A happy Rosh Hashanah to our Jewish friends, a happy ordinary Friday evening to our non-Jewish friends, and a merry TV season-première week for one and all!

*Though describing yesterday’s piece, it is also applicable to this apology as well.