Monday, September 1, 2003

Je recherche un talonneur appelé Marie. Elle peut avoir ma pochette.
I’m looking for a hooker named Marie. She may have my wallet.

Ce goût du vin comme la pisse de chien. Où peux-je circuler un Pabst ici ?
This wine tastes like dog piss. Where can I get a Pabst around here?

Je l’aime bizarre-modèle.
I like it freaky-style.

Madame, vos seins sont remarquable : grand, bouncy, et parfaitement en rond.
Madam, your breasts are remarkable: large, bouncy, and perfectly round.

Et vos quartiers arrières ne sont pas gâtés non plus.
And your hindquarters are not bad either.

Est-ce que, la manie inexplicable de camionneur-chapeau de maille me dit a balayé votre nation aussi bien, pétillant aussi rapidement qu’elle a mis à feu?
Tell me, did the inexplicable mesh trucker-cap craze sweep your nation as well, fizzling as quickly as it ignited?

Yo, maisons, vous savez où je peux marquer de l’énergie hydraulique?
Yo, homes, you know where I can score some hydro?

Je veux donner une fessée à cette chienne méchante.
I want to spank that nasty bitch.

Par la “chienne,” naturellement, je me référais au carniche femelle qui a chié devant mon hôtel. Je ne me référerais jamais à une jeune dame française comme vous-même employant de tels termes vulgaires.
By “bitch,” of course, I was referring to the female poodle that has crapped in front of my hotel. I would never refer to a young French lady like you using such vulgar terms.

Cette merde est whack.
This shit is whack.

Elle a des décharges comme un camion.
She’s got dumps like a truck.

Est-ce que ceci viennent avec “une fin heureuse”?
Does this come with a “happy ending”?

Monsieur, je voudrais avoir le sexe avec votre épouse, chien-modèle.
Sir, I would like to have sex with your wife, doggy-style.

Mon anaconda n’en veulent aucun à moins que vous ayez obtenu des brioches, hon.
My anaconda don’t want none unless you got buns, hon.

Pouvez-vous recommander un bon hôtel avec des taux par heure ? J’ai seulement l’heure pour rapide.
Can you recommend a good hotel with hourly rates? I’ve only got time for a quickie.

Cette prostituée a pu avoir en fait été un homme. Veuillez tenir mon chapeau pour moi tandis que je vomis.
That prostitute may have, in fact, been a man. Please hold my hat for me while I vomit.

Everything Is Translated We mistranslate Jonathan Safran Foer's delightfully mistranslated Everything Is Illuminated.
Random Selections from the 'U' Volume of the Encyclopedia Umbrellas are good for staying dry in the rain... for normal people. Criminal masterminds may see the umbrella as a tool for shooting mind-controlling rays upon the public. Uganda is a country in Africa. There are a lot of black...
Happy Birthday, Jason Priestly! Dear Brandon, Happy 34th Birthday! It took 10 long years of blood, sweat, and tears, but I've finally achieved the level of sideburnal perfection that you reached in 1993. I've got to say, it looks awesome. I sometimes spend hours...

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