Sally Forth

Hey, remember The Fourth of July, 2003? We don't, but found this in our archives:

Fourth of July Fourthiness.

Independence is on the march, patriots.

& Recently . . .

Kurt Cobain's Ghost with an Invitation to a Fourth of July Picnic and Fireworks by Angela Genusa

"B.L.T.": A Review by Will Layman

Ten Tiny Poems by Brian Beatty

Angry Words from a Gnome Who to This Day Continues to Think the Human Genome Project Was Actually The Human Gnome Project by David Ng

Key Party, N.Y.C., Circa Always by William K. Burnette

A Day on the Phone with Mythological Norse Firewarrior, Bringer of Storms by Aaron Belz

Polish Fact

Population Growth Rate:
0% (2003 est.)

Learn a Foreign Tongue!

Learn Many Languages!
Meat-stuffed pasta pocket:
Ravioli (Italian)
Wonton (Cantonese)
Kreplach (Yiddish)
Pierogi (Polish)
Pelmeni (Russian)

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Thursday, October 30, 2003   |    Non-Fiction

Lessons Learned from HBO

by Ray Stillman


  1. Don’t cross the streams.


  2. There’s no crying in baseball.


  3. You do not talk about fight club.


  4. Never go in against a Sicilian when death is on the line.


  5. Never tell anybody outside the family what you’re thinking.


  6. Never get it wet, keep it out of bright lights, especially sunlight, and never, ever feed it after midnight.


  7. Coffee is for closers.


  8. If he pulls a knife, you pull a gun. If he sends one of yours to the hospital, you send one of his to the morgue.


  9. Plastics.


Ray Stillman once killed a man with his bare hands, although he is not one to brag about such things. He is an aspiring screenwriter, an inspiring poet, and a perspiring photographer. Mr. Stillman is an ex-New Yorker who now lives in scenic, sunny, star-saturated Los Angeles, in an apartment building between a bowling alley and a tatoo parlor. He often finds it difficult to resist the urge to ink "Gutter balls" across the knuckles of his left hand. He has made sweet, sweet love with supermodel Heidi Klum many, many times but, again, is not one to brag.