Sally Forth

Hey, remember The Fourth of July, 2003? We don't, but found this in our archives:

Fourth of July Fourthiness.

Independence is on the march, patriots.

& Recently . . .

Kurt Cobain's Ghost with an Invitation to a Fourth of July Picnic and Fireworks by Angela Genusa

"B.L.T.": A Review by Will Layman

Ten Tiny Poems by Brian Beatty

Angry Words from a Gnome Who to This Day Continues to Think the Human Genome Project Was Actually The Human Gnome Project by David Ng

Key Party, N.Y.C., Circa Always by William K. Burnette

A Day on the Phone with Mythological Norse Firewarrior, Bringer of Storms by Aaron Belz

Polish Fact

Major illicit producer of amphetamine for the international market; minor transshipment point for Asian and Latin American illicit drugs to Western Europe.

Learn a Foreign Tongue!

Learn Portuguese!
Pergunte a seu doutor se Paxil for direito para você.
Ask your doctor if Paxil is right for you.

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Friday, October 31, 2003   |    Fiction

The Bone-Chilling, Spine-Tingling, Hair-Raising, Bloodcurdling Hallowe'en House of Horror

What Are We Giving Trick-or-Treaters at Our Doorstep?

Skittles that fell to earth in a torrential candystorm, just like in those commercials.

Raisins. They’re nature’s candy, kids! Eat ’em up!

A scorching case of V.D.

Some leftover gorp the possums didn’t get to.

Whatever lies within these cans with no labels.

Candy corn! Everybody loves candy corn! Mmmm corn. Mmm mmm mmm mm so good. Corn. Ooooh yeah.

Non-poisonous, razor blade- and hypodermic needle-free homemade cupcakes that won’t kill you, I promise.

Lovely parting gifts, including a year’s supply of Nissan Cup O’ Noodles.

Back issues of Playboy that I don’t want the wife to find.

Tommy Chong’s “Bag O’ Grass”.

Um, I got no candy. Sorry, little man. How’d you like a Newport Light?

Copies of our new CD, Clay Aiken’s Greatest Hits.

Crushing blows to the self-esteem of little children in the form of insulting remarks about their costumes.

Lascivious glares.

T-shirts, “I’m one of Heavy D’s Boyz”.

Steamy boudoir self-portraits.

My number, for you kids to take home and give to Mommy.

Gift Certificates, $10 off any purchase at Dick’s Video Porn Shaft.

A sense of smug self-satisfaction regarding Ann Coulter’s image as Rightwing Hot Chick.

The antidote.