Dear Ms. Applegate,
Happy 32nd Birthday! Christina, you’ve long known of my love for you, which burns with the power of the a thousand suns. As a special birthday gift, I’ve written you a song. It’s called “Set Adrift on Memory Bliss,” and it’s all about you. I’ve sampled the beat from Spandau Ballet’s “True,” which you may remember from your sixth-grade dance in 1985. Tell me, when can I come to your house to perform it for you? How’s Sunday?
(I’m the portly one)