Sally Forth

Hey, remember The Fourth of July, 2003? We don't, but found this in our archives:

Fourth of July Fourthiness.

Independence is on the march, patriots.

& Recently . . .

Kurt Cobain's Ghost with an Invitation to a Fourth of July Picnic and Fireworks by Angela Genusa

"B.L.T.": A Review by Will Layman

Ten Tiny Poems by Brian Beatty

Angry Words from a Gnome Who to This Day Continues to Think the Human Genome Project Was Actually The Human Gnome Project by David Ng

Key Party, N.Y.C., Circa Always by William K. Burnette

A Day on the Phone with Mythological Norse Firewarrior, Bringer of Storms by Aaron Belz

Polish Fact

Land Area
304,465 sq. km
(slightly smaller than New Mexico)

Learn a Foreign Tongue!

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Meat-stuffed pasta pocket:
Ravioli (Italian)
Wonton (Cantonese)
Kreplach (Yiddish)
Pierogi (Polish)
Pelmeni (Russian)

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Wednesday, November 5, 2003   |    Fiction

Helmets with Horns Are the Best Kind of Helmet

by Bobby Rufferto




“Arg, arg. I hereby call to order the 508th meeting of Viking Local 242. Scribe, if you would please read the minutes of meeting 507?”

“Arg. All present; looting up 12%, plundering even, pillaging down 46%—”

“Let’s get those pillaging numbers up, people… This mead doesn’t pay for itself, you know. I don’t want to have to make cuts—”


“Yes, yes, I know. But nobody here pays their dues on time—”

“Arg! Arg!”

“Now, now, there’s no need to start brandishing your battleaxes about like that …”

“Arg! Ow.”

“Crap, now look what you’ve done. Erik’s been impaled. This meeting is adjourned. Can somebody set Erik aflame and cast his corpse into the sea on their way out?”

“But… but I’m… It’s a minor wound. I’m O.K. I’m fine.”

“This meeting is adjourned.”

Bobby Rufferto once broke his jaw on a Jawbreaker. Although it hurt incredibly, he is one to appreciate irony. He has not sued the confectioners. Do you think he should? He's conflicted: on the one hand, it hurt like hell; on the other, he now has a flip-top head which allows him to save money by buying a cheap, generic toothbrush instead of the pricey Reach toothbrush. Also, as a result, he can now entertain party guests by fitting a whole Magic 8-Ball into his mouth and shaking his head for your fortune. While we're on the subject, he did not particularly enjoy the movie Jawbreaker, but he sure digs that Rose McGowen. Oooh, she's naughty. Mr. Rufferto lives in New York, works in New Jersey, and teaches tango lessons in Iowa.