Happy Birthday, Doctor Dre!
Dear Doctor Dre,
Happy 40th Birthday! Good grief, Doctor, I can’t believe there are two black men in the hip-hop world both named Doctor Dre—and neither one of you actually has a medical degree! It’s a good thing you’re so damn fat and round, otherwise I’d never be able to tell you apart from that other “Doctor.” Also, can you believe there are two guys from Australia named Paul Hogan? That bloke who played ‘Crocodile’ Dundee and that daffy old butler who dupes unsuspecting gold-diggers into believing the elaborate, Fox-sponsored charade that some yokel is a millionaire. What are the chances? Or do you think maybe they’ve only got like 10 or 12 names down there, and everybody’s got to share? I have two aunts both named Mitzie, because back in Poland, they were so poor they had to share names. So Australia’s probably the same.
Anyway, Happy Birthday, Doc. Say hi to that other guy from “Yo! MTV Raps”—you know, what’s his name—D.J. Jazzy Jeff.