& Recently . . .

Urban Dance

by Kay Sexton

WEEK 1: SUBWAY TANGO Hi, I’m Patricio, your instructor for today’s Subway Tango. Just before we start, can I check that everybody has read the introductory leaflet? Yes? Thank you. So … for the next four weeks…

“Social Studies,” if You Know What I Mean

Names of Some National Parks that Sound Like Titles of Pornographic Films The Badlands Big Bend National Park Chattahoochee River National Recreation Area Cumberland Gap National Historic Park Dry Tortugas National Park Grand Teton National Park Hot Springs Little Bighorn…

The Catcher in the Rye: The Unauthorized German Translation

by Ken Krimstein

Ja, so, dis is der story uf me, a young mensch who vanders arount New York mit dem red hat on mein kupf. So, der is all diese peoples, they really, how you say, pissing me off. Ich bin ein…

The Songwriter

by Christian McNeil

The following was excerpted from the last will and testament of Mark Auger, who died October 29 in Portland, Maine, of injuries sustained in a potato gun accident: …but the most important matter of this will, much more important than…

Polish Fact

Poles & Borders
Borderlines: 2,788 km
Border Countries:
Belarus (407 km), Czech Republic (658 km), Germany (456 km), Lithuania (91 km), Russia (Kaliningrad Oblast) (206 km), Slovakia (444 km), Ukraine (526 km)
Coastline: 491 km

Learn a Foreign Tongue!

Learn Yiddish!
Der Tog nokh der Morgn.
The Day after Tomorrow.

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Friday, December 5, 2003   |    Birthday Cards to Celebrities

Happy Birthday, Doctor Dre!

December 5, 1963 | Doctor Dre | (the big fat one)

Dear Doctor Dre,

Happy 40th Birthday! Good grief, Doctor, I can’t believe there are two black men in the hip-hop world both named Doctor Dre—and neither one of you actually has a medical degree! It’s a good thing you’re so damn fat and round, otherwise I’d never be able to tell you apart from that other “Doctor.” Also, can you believe there are two guys from Australia named Paul Hogan? That bloke who played ‘Crocodile’ Dundee and that daffy old butler who dupes unsuspecting gold-diggers into believing the elaborate, Fox-sponsored charade that some yokel is a millionaire. What are the chances? Or do you think maybe they’ve only got like 10 or 12 names down there, and everybody’s got to share? I have two aunts both named Mitzie, because back in Poland, they were so poor they had to share names. So Australia’s probably the same.

Anyway, Happy Birthday, Doc. Say hi to that other guy from “Yo! MTV Raps”—you know, what’s his name—D.J. Jazzy Jeff.

Hey ya,
Josh Abraham