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MMIII: The Whole Kit & Caboodle

This is the year that was….

Tidings of Joy

Folks, Yankee Pot Roast is calling it a year. In 2003, we had many good times and only a few bad. We made many new friends and some enemies, too. We thank all our readers, all our writers, all our…

The Roastee Responds

by Neal Pollack

Imagine if you were to wake up from an innocent sleep on Monday morning after a nice weekend with your family only to find that a bunch of strangers were waiting at your front door to kick you in the…

Never Mind the One-Liners

by Henny Youngman*

Neal, it’s almost Christmas and you’ve given me the best gift I could possibly ask for. You never come over anymore. Seriously though, folks, every night I get into bed, I take off my clothes and I read one of…

Polish Fact

Pass for a Native Polack
Polska -- Poland
Polak -- Pole
polski -- Polish

Learn a Foreign Tongue!

Parlez-Vous Français!
Les filles gros-basées, vous faites le monde basculant circuler.
Fat-bottomed girls, you make the rockin' world go 'round.

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Thursday, January 1, 2004   |    Birthday Cards to Celebrities

Happy Birthday, J. D. Salinger!

January 1, 1919 | J. D. Salinger | recluse

Dear J. D.,

Happy 85th Birthday!

Look, J. D., we really wanted to throw you a surprise party, but you won’t leave your house, you agoraphobic maniac. What are we supposed to do, silently sneak into your kitchen and scare the jelly out of you when you come staggering downstairs wearing your slippers and an old-timey nightgown and cap for your early-morning eye-opener of Maker’s Mark? Why can’t you just come down to the T.G.I. Friday’s at nine o’clock Sunday night and feign flattered surprise when everybody jumps out? Rushdie’s got a fatwah on his head, and he’s still gonna be there! Nobody’s going to steal the 50,000-page manuscript you’ve been rewriting for the past half-century, you deranged old bat! Just come to Friday’s and act all surprised, O.K.? Even Finding Forrester ventured out in the end, J. D.

Josh Abraham

P.S. Do you pronounce it “Ba-sing-er” or “Ba-sinj-er”?