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The Journal of Literary Satire | Hastily Written & Slopilly Edited
Monday, January 5, 2004

Happy Birthday, Umberto Eco!

Dear Bert,

Happy 72nd Birthday! On my birthday, I spend the whole day in my birthday suit! Even when I have to go to the bank! You should try it. Also, for my birthday breakfast, I make an ice-cream-sundae omelet waffle à la mode: that’s three scoops of ice cream (assrt’d flavors), hot fudge, cherry, sprinkles, etc., etc., wrapped up in an egg’n’cheese omelet (Monterey Jack, please!), served on a chocolate-chip waffle, with maple syrup, topped with a scoop of ice cream. And also a banana, for potassium. You need your potassium, Bert! Anyway, you should eat my special birthday breakfast because it’s awesome! You really should try it. Try it! Careful not to drip! (You’re in your birthday suit, right?)

Also, what the hell was going on in Foucault’s Pendulum? Man, did I feel stoopid reading that.


Warm regards,
Josh Abraham