Sally Forth

Hey, remember The Fourth of July, 2003? We don't, but found this in our archives:

Fourth of July Fourthiness.

Independence is on the march, patriots.

& Recently . . .

Kurt Cobain's Ghost with an Invitation to a Fourth of July Picnic and Fireworks by Angela Genusa

"B.L.T.": A Review by Will Layman

Ten Tiny Poems by Brian Beatty

Angry Words from a Gnome Who to This Day Continues to Think the Human Genome Project Was Actually The Human Gnome Project by David Ng

Key Party, N.Y.C., Circa Always by William K. Burnette

A Day on the Phone with Mythological Norse Firewarrior, Bringer of Storms by Aaron Belz

Polish Fact

Military Manpower:
10,354,978 (2003 est.)
[Army, Navy(!), & Air Force]

Learn a Foreign Tongue!

Learn Dutch!
Ik heb twee draaischijven en een microfoon.
I've got two turntables and a microphone.

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Thursday, January 22, 2004   |    Non-Fiction

Pop Quiz & Why You Should Be Friends with Me

by Amy Shearn

Pop Quiz

Which of the following quotations come from How to Make Your Marriage Exciting, from Ron Schara’s Minnesota Fishing Guide, or can be attributed to Chairman Mao Tse-Tung?

  1. The Bible says “Love is not arrogant or rude.” How rude can a wife be when she doesn’t let her husband be the gentleman he wants to be?!
  2. In our country bourgeois and petty-bourgeois ideology, anti-Marxist ideology, will continue to last a long time.
  3. The masses have a potentially inexhaustible enthusiasm for socialism.
  4. In Minnesota, about 40 percent of all boating accidents involve fishermen.
  5. Would it surprise you if I told you there is a great percentage of adults today who are married—AND LIKE IT?
  6. Have any of you women ever bought a dress that you paid too much for, and then decided you were going to save the money out of the grocery money, and not tell him how much it cost?
  7. Walleyes spawn in shallow water during April and early May in Minnesota.
  8. If it weren’t for panfish, ice fishing in Minnesota would be a notch below watching haircuts for pure excitement.
  9. The Communists must grasp the principle of subordinating the needs of the part to the needs of the whole.
  10. Many women use sex as a privilege they give to their husbands, instead of seeking what the Bible says about the fact that when a woman is married, she was no right over her body. It belongs to her husband!
  11. If you could choose but one, make it the plastic worm.

Answers are on the back.

Why You Should Be Friends with Me


Amy Shearn's work has appeared or is forthcoming in Salt Hill, Passages North, 3rdBed, Lyric Review, Surgery of Modern Warfare,, GutCult, and elsewhere. Also, she can touch her nose with her tongue.