The Ten Most World-Famous Belgians in the World

Can I name 10 world-famous Belgians? Not including tennis players? Are you serious? Belgians!?! You do mean Belgians, as in ‘citizens of Belgium,’ n’est ce pas? Oui? Pas de problem, dude. Sure I know where it’s at. It’s in Europe that’s where, between Spain and Deutschland, and the capital city is Flanders, which is a very historical place and dates back to before the war, whichever, I don’t know, stop changing the subject, no, I’m not buying time. You doubt me? O.K., let’s go, and don’t interrupt me this time, O.K.? O.K.??? Alright, so I’m gonna start now, here goes… are you sitting comfortably? O.K., O.K.! Here goes:

The World’s First and Foremost Most Famous Belgian:

Tintin. Yup, the boy detective—that’s right with the fluffy dog. Huge gay icon, at least in Belgium. Also Latvia I think. What do you mean he’s not a real person? Of course he is! I thought you read The Life of Tintin? Get outta here! Essential reading. No, it wasn’t reviewed in Sports Illustrated, no excuse. But let’s move on to:

The World’s Second-Most Famous Belgian:

Hergé. Whaddaya mean ‘Hergé who?’ The guy with the pencils! He animated Tintin’s life into comic form so that people who never pick up a real book could get to know him and his adventures. Funnies without the laughs, mostly. We owe him big time. Talk about service to humanity! O.K., let’s see, that’s two down, seven to go—yeah, of course I mean after—

The World’s Thirdest-Most Famous Belgian:

Maigret. No, not Manray—Maigret! ‘Meg-ray’. He was like the totally awesome Belgian Columbo-type cop. Real smart, always figured it out. You’ve never seen those movies? We need to get you some culture, shame shame shame. There is life outside of Hollywood. But let’s move on.

The World’s Fourth-Most Famous Belgian:

You’ll like this guy. No, they’re not all guys. Yes, the list is inclusive. Like I was saying—Aldo Sax, the one and only. No, not Tenor’s baby brother. A-l-d-o, Al-do as in “d’oh”! The man who gifted the world the sexiest musical appliance to date was Belgian. I say ‘to date’ because it’s been a while since anyone invented a new instrument. Computers don’t count. I know I said ‘John Coltrane made the sax’ but I didn’t actually mean that he created it. Sure he was talented. But he was totally a musician, not the inventor! Now listen, sweetheart, it’s getting late and Daddy has to go to work tomorrow, so say nighty-night. Of course Daddy will pay for tennis lessons for his princess. I am not buying time; it’s late. Yes, we can talk some more about Belgium tomorrow. Don’t worry, the list is in my head. You’re gonna love number 6. Yeah, I know but number 5 isn’t as interesting as number 6.

TO BE CONTINUED…