The round mound of rebound, indeed. Happy 41st Birthday! I love watching you on TNT; your asinine comments and clear disregard for anything not glazed, chocolate-covered, big-titted, or Michael Jordan is wonderful! If only more grown men were as fat and jolly as you, we’d be running around in a world of racist Santa Claus look-alikes. Joy to the world then, eh, round mound?
I hope you get another double-breasted suit for your birthday. They really are flattering. The pretty sharkskin one you wore the other day, baking in the studio lights, made you look like a bulging, rebounding sausage in a shiny, blue intestinal wrap.
You’re my favorite rebounder ever, and living proof why the state of Alabama needs to beef up their sex-education program.