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The Journal of Literary Satire | Hastily Written & Slopilly Edited
Wednesday, July 28, 2004
I Love VH1

A Short Conversation with Hal Sparks about His I Love the 80s Appearances as We Wait for Our Drinks at a Los Angeles Starbucks

Hal Sparks


“You’re … Hal Sparks from VH1’s I Love the Whatevers.”

“Um, yup. That’s me.”

“And also Queer as Folk.”

“That too, yeah.”

“The gay show.”

“It’s a show about gay characters. So …”

“I loved your little riff on Blondie on the 80s show.”

“Oh, did I talk about Blondie?”

“Yeah, you had your shirt off and some guy was licking your chest. And ‘Heart of Glass’ was playing and you made some funny little remark. Then the guy stuck his tongue in your mouth and you really didn’t get a chance to finish the thought.”

“That was probably the other …”

“Oh. The gay show.”

“Might have been. Yeah.”

“Well, the Blondie thing was funny. So, are you …”

“No. That’s just a role.”

“Ah. So then the making out …”

“Um, it’s acting. So …”

“I’m not gay either.”


“Well, I acted once, and now I can’t give blood unless I lie about it.”

“The barista’s calling my name.”

“Oh, your real name is Miguel?”

“You know … I’m on TV. I can’t give my real name.”

“Ah, more acting.”

“Sort of, yeah. So I’m going to …”

“O.K. Also, the thing you did on ‘I Want Your Sex,’ that was pretty fucking hilarious.”


“It’s got to be hard to riff on George Michael’s stubble when a guy’s throwing your legs over his shoulders.”

“Yeah, that was …”

“Oh, the gay show.”


“Sorry. You’re a really great actor.”

Bunsen is a writer living in Hollywood. No, not that kind of writer.