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The Journal of Literary Satire | Hastily Written & Slopilly Edited
Monday, August 23, 2004
The Choire Sicha Roast

Choire Sicha Is Not Who You Think He Is

I was at a bar here in Chicago a few weeks ago, cursing myself per usual for not living in New York, as everything that is important happens there. I was talking with one of my ugly, non-fabulous, Midwestern friends, who happened to go to the same high school as I, graduating several years ahead of me.

“Did you know that Choire Sicha went to our high school?” she said.


“Yeah! He was this cute gay boy who was in all the musicals and all the girls loved him but of course that wasn’t going to work out.”

So I’m just here to inform the world that Choire Sicha, man about town, has roots here in the Second (and Far Shittier) City. Actually, not even that—the suburbs.

In some ways, Evanston Township High School is like the Hollywood High of the Midwest. John and Joan Cusack went there. So did the guy who played Tony on Blossom. And now, Sicha continues the long line of famous people emerging from the rough-and-tumble Wildkit dirt.

But in case you were reading Gawker daily, thinking to yourself, “Only a real, true, born-in-the-back-of-a-cab New Yorker could write this stuff,” you’re wrong. Sicha is an immigrant of cool. So, New Yorkers, the next time you look around on the street and marvel at the magnitude of sex and sophistication that is your city, take a moment and shudder to think: Some of these people may have drifted over from the Plains.


Claire Zulkey watches too much TV in Chicago. She writes daily at