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Wednesday, September 29, 2004   |    Non-Fiction

UPN or Made Up?

by Geoff Wolinetz

“Kevin Hill”

Kevin Hill is a hotshot attorney and a hotshot bachelor, until he inherits a 10-month-old baby girl. As he struggles to adapt his lifestyle in order to take care of Sarah, his law firm starts to cut back his workload because they feel he’s unfocused. Kevin, insulted by their actions, quits and lands a job at an all-female boutique law firm that is coincidentally more understanding of his situation than he expected.

“The Impersonator”

This all-new reality show showcases the country’s greatest impersonators, as they tackle characters from former president Bill Clinton to game-show host Wink Martindale. Each week, the contestants perform a set of stunning tasks designed to display their ability to adapt their voice on the fly and at the end of each episode, one unlucky contestant goes home. Rich Little hosts the show, which will provide a voice-over contract with Disney to the winner.

“Second Time Around”

Despite putting on a loving display for their old marriage counselor, Jackson and Ryan are shocked after he writes an article claiming they still face the same problems they had the first go-round, but when they confront him, Jackson and Ryan realize he may be more right than they’d like to admit. Later, when Jackson decides to join Nigel’s country club, Ryan is coerced into pretending she’s more of a high-society socialite than she is in order to impress the committee members; not wanting to conform, Ryan plays the role to the extreme and sabotages the interview process.

“The Queen Latifah Show”

Jacqui (Queen Latifah) is a girl that always been “one of the guys,” but after a friend gets her a spa day for her birthday, Jacqui all of the sudden catches the eye of Jacque, a hotshot stockbroker and a longtime object of her affection. But when they finally go out to dinner, Jacqui finds out that Jacque may not be all that she thought he was. Later, Jacqui will learn how to embrace her new found beauty without comprising her “just one of the guys” attitude.

“Half & Half”

Half-sisters Mona and Dee Dee have only one thing in common: their father. Growing up separately, these two virtual strangers suddenly become neighbors in the same San Francisco apartment building and experience the challenges of sisterhood for the first time. Mona, a budding music executive, was raised to be an independent woman who does things in her own free-spirited and sometimes sardonic style. By contrast, younger sister Dee Dee is a privileged honor-roll college student searching for her own identity. Now in their twenties, these two vastly contrasting women are discovering the advantages and joys that the special bond of sisterhood offers. But their relationship is not without its problems, as they often clash on everything from morals to money to men. Meanwhile Spencer, Mona’s best friend, becomes the conscience of the group and helps build a bridge between the women.

Crappy shows really on UPN: “Half & Half,” “Second Time Around,” and “Kevin Hill.” Thankfully fake crappy shows: “The Impersonator” and “The Queen Latifah Show.”
Geoff Wolinetz cannot be found on IMDb because the Hollywood community refuses to acknowledge the production of his seminal masterpiece Come What May, a gritty psychothriller starring a guy who kind of looks like Billy Baldwin and Erin Gray (formerly of "Silver Spoons"). If he were to be found on IMDb, his name would fall between "Geoff Witcher" and "Geoff Wood." In addition to his imaginary film career, Geoff also maintains an imaginary career as a baron of industry, is lead singer of the imaginary band Kick Ass, Falco, holds an imaginary Olympic gold medal and is an imaginary Pulitzer laureate in the field of journalism for his investigative piece on the albinos of Alaska.