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The Journal of Literary Satire | Hastily Written & Slopilly Edited
Monday, November 1, 2004

Excerpt from The Family Matters: The Real Story of the Winslow Dynasty

Judy Winslow disappeared after the fourth season. She went up to her bedroom and didn’t come back down. No one has seen her since. The last thing she said before she took that last trip up the stairs was rumored to be “Steve isn’t really a doctor, is he?”

A better documented case of a disappearing Winslow is that of Aunt Rachel. It’s hard to decide which is stranger—the fact that she too went missing from the show with no explanation, or the fact that she left little Richie behind. Not to mention the fact that Little Ritchie looks suspiciously like Carl. Perhaps most disturbing is the documented reference to her during her absence. On the episode entitled “Crashing the Party,” after Steve Urkel drives his Isetta into the Winslow’s living room and spoils her Tupperware party, Harriett grabs him by the suspenders and threatens to go “Aunt Rachel on his ass.”

winslowfamily.gifOne cast member’s disappearance may have a less sinister explanation. Myrtle Urkel, Steve’s Southern-belle cousin, has often been rumored to be none other than Steve Urkel himself in drag, acting out his desires for Eddie in a less threatening way. Sources close to Urkel say that his desire to be a woman was the real motivation for building the transformation chamber. The chamber, incidentally, has long been rumored to have been developed using unsanctioned stem-cell and human-cloning research …

David Martin is a bureaucrat with the Canadian federal government but also does productive work by writing humor on the side. He is the author of the political satire collection entitled My Friend W (Arriviste Press, Boston) and blogs (who doesn't?) at DavesPoliticalSatire.blogspot.com.
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