Thursday, April 14, 2005
— Chest doesn’t hurt so much today. I think sleeping in the duck blind all day helped a lot. Also switching from vodka to beer.
— Had to give X the Heimlich maneuver after he fell asleep with his cigar in his mouth. The thing fell in and clogged his windpipe, with only the ash sticking out between his lips. Other than that got to sleep the whole day.
— I think I got fleas in my underwear.
— No ducks today.
— W called today to ask me some questions. Sometimes in staff meetings I imagine that I’m one of the few people left on Earth whose brain has not been eaten by zombies and that I must come up with a strategy to save the planet. Usually this strategy involves a lot of decapitations. There’s a fine line between treason and patriotism when dealing with zombies.
— I really love sitting out here all day soaking my ass in two inches of warm swamp water and shooting stuff, but I wonder if I’m risking an anal infection?
— Hey, I’m getting paid right now!
— Got two today.
— Spilled hot coffee on my crotch in the blind today. Thought for sure I was going to have a stroke, but it was the best I’ve felt all week.
— Shot X’s dog when the gun went off by mistake while I had one hand in my pants trying to catch a flea.
— I keep wondering about the saying “fuck a duck.” I mean, I know it rhymes, I just don’t have a good understanding of its proper use in conversation.
— Today: one duck, one dog.
— X is still sore about his dog getting shot. He needs to grow up. Stuff just gets shot sometimes.
— Took some Viagra early this morning, then purposely poured coffee on my crotch in the duck blind. Oh my God! I wonder if I can patent something like this?
— Tomorrow we have that mind-numbing weekly staff meeting on Iraq, but today I’m still sitting here with a wet ass in God’s great wilderness, killing shit.
— Two more today. Fuck a duck!