Home Istan

by Jason Kucharsky

Salaam alaikum, fellow Sand Cats! It is I, Mint Teabag. For those of you not familiar with that particular moniker, I also went by Bejeweled Dagger-Dick and Crust-Eye. I was excited when the mullahs finally lifted that ban on Internet…

Alumni Update from the Guy That Sat Behind Me in Homeroom That I Never Talked to and Only Remember Because He Was Really into Candlebox

by Geoff Wolinetz

Greetings, alums! It’s hard to believe that it’s been 10 years already! It’s so nice to read these GryphoNotes when they come in my mailbox. While so much has happened in these past years, I still feel like Ramapo High…

Catamount Encounters: Tips on Avoiding Trouble and Defending Yourself in an Attack

Adapted from Don’t Get Eaten: The Dangers of Animals that Charge or Attack by Dave Smith (The Mountaineers Books, $6.95, paperback). Limit your outdoor activities at dawn and dusk. Avoid catamount kill. Catamounts will cover a kill with dirt…

Sam Lipsyte, distinguished alumnus

Y.P.R. What is written about or to you in your high-school yearbook? Sam Lipyste Herewith I offer a few inscriptions from my yearbook, with annotations where needed, and names removed. 1. From a guy I used to drink with:…

Prepping for My First Out-of-Body Experience

by Michael Fowler

My guide to out-of-body travel, Dr. Morris Goldblatt, Ph.D., tells me that I can simulate my upcoming journey in the following way: Affix a mirror to the ceiling of an elevator, lie on the floor of the elevator so that…

Raskolnikov Meets Dr. Phil

by James Warner

Dr. Phil: My first guest tonight is a man who has some impulse-control problems. Raskolnikov: What do you want? When will you leave off tormenting me? Dr. Phil: Hold it right there. Seems to me you need an attitude…

The Author of the Universe

by Jeff Haas

Let’s say that you’re reading a short story by some guy named Jeff Haas when he decides to make you the protagonist. You’d have to admit that you’re in a pretty precarious position right off the bat, as Mr. Haas…