& Recently . . .

Notes from Mattel’s “Future of Barbie®” Brainstorming Session

by David Ng

Concept: Hybrid Barbie ® Description: Barbie doll powered by both conventional gasoline engine, as well as an electric motor. Pro: Barbie is emissions-compliant. Con: No one can figure out a good place for the gas nozzle to go in. It…

We’ve Already Got a Two-Year Subscription, Thank You

Reasons Why the Female Characters in Certain Male-Written Fiction Are Not Like Actual Women at All

by Brian Champlin

The Logical Reason We’re sorry, but trying to portray the thoughts, feelings, and motives of irrational people is actually impossible. Please, think clearly before you react. Irrationality precludes meaning, does it not? And meaning is what fiction is all about,…

Disquieting Modern Trends: Big Apple Edition

by Will Layman & Chris Osmond

The good people here at Disquieting Modern Trends Inc. have been bugging us about the long hours we make them work. They whine about the conditions in the office, including the lack of one of those water coolers with the big jugs you have to uncap and then dramatically flip upside down, risking for a moment pouring gallons of wildly expensive water on the office floor, when you replace it. They claim that we are the only humorous-yet-somewhat-literary Internet column that does not offer a holiday bonus, and they assure us that our contribution to their 401(k) plan is paltry compared to what they’re offering over at McSweeney’s.1

When we receive these empty complaints on our BlackBerries while swilling Cuervo on the beaches of the Yucatan, we can assure you, they are summarily dismissed. After all, the good people we hire to work for us at D.M.T. are very selectively chosen for their sensitivity to injustice and their tendency to bitch about the tiniest little thing. Why should work conditions be any different?

But, when we returned to D.M.T. headquarters to find photographs of our shiny bald heads tacked to a board by several carefully aimed, high-quality darts, we immediately retreated to the office and put together an Employee Empowerment Plan, fueled by the combination of fear and tequila that has been so successful for us in the past.

Our conclusion: to take the entire staff on a wild weekend trip to New York City!


There, Team D.M.T. spread across the city like a virus, from the Upper West Side to Brooklyn (the only places where the people who will let us crash on their couches live), enjoying the hospitality, taking in the vibrant rhythm of the Greatest City in the World and, of course, finding more stuff that gives us the impression that contemporary society is little more than a living, breathing fingernail down the chalkboard of our existence.

Herewith, some of the disquieting modern trends currently on display in New York City …

Polish Fact

Polish Government in Exile
Bolesław Wieniawa-Długoszowski (September 1939)
Władysław Raczkiewicz (1939 - 1947)
August Zaleski (1947 - 1972)
Stanisław Ostrowski (1972 - 1979)
Edward Raczyński (1979 - 1986)
Kazimierz Sabbat (1986 - 1989)
Ryszard Kaczorowski (1989 - 1990)

Learn a Foreign Tongue!

Learn Français!:
Quoi-ques; évidemms; ainsi bourdonnz.
Whatevs; obvs; so buzz.


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Monday, May 16, 2005   |    Fiction

My Continued Conversation with the Ghost of John Lennon

by Corey Mesler

He buried Paul.
—It still makes me so sad, here, what, almost thirty years later.

—Let it go, my friend. I have.

—Sure, it’s easy for you, being, you know, pure spirit and all.

—Sure.

—Still, isn’t there a hankering, a yearning for continuance, for, at the very least, more songs?

—No, not even that.

—Not one song since the shooting?

—Not one.

—Huh.

—Yeah, imagine.

—I can’t. Of course, I can’t imagine writing a song at all.

—Of course you can. You’ve got words in you. Let them sing.

—They don’t sing. They plod. They trip, stumble and fall. They are words that remain earthbound.

—All words are earthbound. Here, we have no need of words.

—No words!

—None.

—Yet, you continue to talk to me.

—I do, that’s true.

—Why is that?

—You seem to need it so. You seem to fairly burn for connection.

—And you were always the empath, the one willing to take on your fellow man, the planet’s ills.

—Kind of you to say.

—Did it do any good, John? Your passion, your engagement?

—I think so.

—From your perspective now, did it change anything?

—All the changes, my friend, were in me. Where changes should linger and resonate.

—And that is a brief, good thing?

—Yes it is.

—O.K.

—You still blue?

—Sure, sure. Would you sing for me? Just this once, just a snippet?

— …

—It’s O.K.

— ~ Blackbird singing in the dead of night … ~

—That’s Paul’s.

—Is it? I could have sworn it was mine. It was so long ago.

—It’s O.K. Thank you. It’s a beautiful song.

—It is.

—A brief good thing.

—Better than brief.

—Yes.

—Lighter than air, it is an air, lighter than all human hope, a tinkling harmony in the human heart, a silvery, chiming balm.

—Is that a song?

—More soon, my friend. Let it rest.

—I will.

—Let it be.

—Paul’s again.

—Huh.

Corey Mesler is the owner of Burke’s Book Store, in Memphis, Tennessee, one of the country’s oldest (1875) and best independent bookstores. He has published poetry and fiction in numerous journals including Rattle, Pindeldyboz, Quick Fiction, Cranky, Thema, Mars Hill Review, and Poet Lore. He has also been a book reviewer for The Memphis Commercial Appeal. A short story of his was chosen for the 2002 edition of New Stories from the South: The Year’s Best, published by Algonquin Books. Talk, his first novel, appeared in 2002. Nice blurbs from Lee Smith, John Grisham, Robert Olen Butler, Frederick Barthelme, and others. He has a new novel, We Are Billion-Year-Old Carbon, due out in 2005 from Livingston. His latest three poetry chapbooks are Chin-Chin in Eden (2003) and Dark on Purpose (2004) and The Heart is Open (2005). He also claims to have written “It’s My Party.” Most importantly, he is Toby and Chloe’s dad and Cheryl’s husband.