A group of college students walk down the street, accidentally bumping into a group of locals.
Local: Hey, watch it!
Ben Q., sophomore: (Muttering.) Once off the campus, this non-centralized community lacks adequate public transportation.
Local #2: Oh yeah? The availability of religious services on your campus rates a 2 out of 10, with most students not ranking “religion” or “conservative values” highly in terms of their interests, a far cry from the surrounding area!
Sarah W., junior: Hey! The university draws students from major East Coast cities and over 103 countries, but once you step out of the front gate, it’s totally hicksville!
Local #3: You damn kids. The student body claims that traditional serious relationships are really uncommon, and are greatly outnumbered by “casual hook-ups”!
Ray R., freshman: Say what? The diversity on campus—rated 8½ out of 10—is a far cry from the white, working class population of the town, which is rated by many of the students surveyed as “unfriendly” and “prejudiced”! You heard me!
Local #4: On-campus drinking takes a back seat to casual marijuana use!
Gina T., senior: While the university offers internship programs in several fields, very few can be found locally, in what is best described as a generally economically depressed area!
Pete P., sophomore: And while scholarships are fairly plentiful, the paperwork is complicated and the administration is generally unhelpful!
Local #5: One anonymous senior in the engineering department writes, “You could say we have a collision of worlds between trust fund-babies and out-of-work factory types who don’t necessarily respect higher education.”
Anonymous senior, engineering dep’t: Hey! How the hell did you know that?