Sally Forth

Hey, remember The Fourth of July, 2003? We don't, but found this in our archives:

Fourth of July Fourthiness.

Independence is on the march, patriots.

& Recently . . .

Kurt Cobain's Ghost with an Invitation to a Fourth of July Picnic and Fireworks by Angela Genusa

"B.L.T.": A Review by Will Layman

Ten Tiny Poems by Brian Beatty

Angry Words from a Gnome Who to This Day Continues to Think the Human Genome Project Was Actually The Human Gnome Project by David Ng

Key Party, N.Y.C., Circa Always by William K. Burnette

A Day on the Phone with Mythological Norse Firewarrior, Bringer of Storms by Aaron Belz

Polish Fact

Traffic?
Major illicit producer of amphetamine for the international market; minor transshipment point for Asian and Latin American illicit drugs to Western Europe.

Learn a Foreign Tongue!

Impari L'Italiano
Wham, bam, grazie, signora.
Wham, bam, thank you, ma’am.

Y.P.aRt Gallery

Syndicate! RSD | RSS I | RSS II | Atøm
Large Print | Spanish Bea! Add http://yankeepotroast.org to your Kinja digest Creative Commons License
This journal is licensed under a Creative Commons License and powered by Movable Typo 3.15.
Crockpot!
© MMV, Y.P.R. & Co.
Monday, June 20, 2005   |    Fiction

The People Recommend

by Jonathan Stern

Thank you for purchasing The 76 Stages of Heartbreak by William Layman. Your order will be shipped shortly.

People who ordered this book also bought Healing Your Heart by Joanne Belonsky, The Lonely Planet Sex Tour of Thailand, and Getting Back on My Horse by William Shatner (audiobook).

Readers of this book also purchased CDs such as Gallagher Live: The Laughter Tour, The Tom Waits Collection, and William Shatner Sings the Blues.

They also enjoyed watching An Affair to Remember, Brief Encounter, Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer, and Muppet Treasure Island.

They typically moved into Their Parents’ Basement, A Two-Month Sublet in the Futile Hope that They’ll Be Getting Back Together Soon, and A Squalid Isolated Studio Apartment which Serves as a Constant Reminder of How Pathetic They Are.

People who bought this book tended towards Blistering Self-Recriminations, Blaming Their Exes for Anything That’s Ever Gone Wrong, and Passive-Aggressive Hostility towards the Opposite Sex.

They enjoyed Publicly Berating Their Assistant before the Entire Office, Mailing Their Exes Chunks of Cow Heart, and Leering at that Redhead on the VersaClimber until She Complains to the Gym Manager.

Their next sexual experiences were likely to be Deeply Humiliating and Best Forgotten, A Terrible Lapse in Judgement which Will Most Likely Cost Them Their Jobs, and Accompanied by More Marijuana than They’d Smoked since College.

Readers of this book ended up Joining the Peace Corps, Draining Their Bank Accounts, Gaining So Much Weight that No One Will Ever Be Attracted to Them Again, and Accepting that Their Destinies Are Endless Series of Match.com First Dates which at Best Result in Single Nights of Depressing and Forgettable Sex.

Click here to complete your order.

Jonathan Stern is a screenwriter and film & TV producer living in Fort Greene, Brooklyn. He's produced the films Scotland, PA (starring Christopher Walken), Oxygen (starring Adrien Brody), and HBO's The Vagina Monologues, among others. His allergies are bothering him this season.