Monday, June 20, 2005

Thank you for purchasing The 76 Stages of Heartbreak by William Layman. Your order will be shipped shortly.

People who ordered this book also bought Healing Your Heart by Joanne Belonsky, The Lonely Planet Sex Tour of Thailand, and Getting Back on My Horse by William Shatner (audiobook).

Readers of this book also purchased CDs such as Gallagher Live: The Laughter Tour, The Tom Waits Collection, and William Shatner Sings the Blues.

They also enjoyed watching An Affair to Remember, Brief Encounter, Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer, and Muppet Treasure Island.

They typically moved into Their Parents’ Basement, A Two-Month Sublet in the Futile Hope that They’ll Be Getting Back Together Soon, and A Squalid Isolated Studio Apartment which Serves as a Constant Reminder of How Pathetic They Are.

People who bought this book tended towards Blistering Self-Recriminations, Blaming Their Exes for Anything That’s Ever Gone Wrong, and Passive-Aggressive Hostility towards the Opposite Sex.

They enjoyed Publicly Berating Their Assistant before the Entire Office, Mailing Their Exes Chunks of Cow Heart, and Leering at that Redhead on the VersaClimber until She Complains to the Gym Manager.

Their next sexual experiences were likely to be Deeply Humiliating and Best Forgotten, A Terrible Lapse in Judgement which Will Most Likely Cost Them Their Jobs, and Accompanied by More Marijuana than They’d Smoked since College.

Readers of this book ended up Joining the Peace Corps, Draining Their Bank Accounts, Gaining So Much Weight that No One Will Ever Be Attracted to Them Again, and Accepting that Their Destinies Are Endless Series of First Dates which at Best Result in Single Nights of Depressing and Forgettable Sex.

Click here to complete your order.

Jonathan Stern is a screenwriter and film & TV producer living in Fort Greene, Brooklyn. He’s produced the films The Ten (starring Paul Rudd, Winona Ryder, Jessica Alba, Adam Brody, Rob Corrdry, Justin Theroux, Ken Marino, Gretchen Mol, Famke Janssen, and Liev Shreiber), Scotland, PA (starring Christopher Walken), Oxygen (starring Adrien Brody), and HBO’s The Vagina Monologues, as well as the Web series Wainy Days (starring David Wain). His allergies are bothering him this season.

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