& Recently . . .

Gone Fishin’

Y.P.R. will return in the canicular days of August. Until then, please help yourself to our archives… and we eagerly await your Harry Potter parodies!…

Disquieting Modern Trends: Summertime (and the Living Is Uneasy) Edition

by Will Layman & Chris Osmond

Kool Aid, courtesy Jamestown Dep't of Travel & TourismWell, it is deepest, darkest summer, and the good people here at Disquieting Modern Trends are drunk with sweaty disgust. Sure, summer is great if you’re a school-kid and everything about your life is dictated by your hatred for the quadratic formula1, but for the rest of us this season of ant-infested picnics, high humidity, hurricane-haunted haze, and endlessly overblown and disappointing multiplex screenfodder is a long march through pseudo-recreational hell.

There. We said it: Summer is overrated. Summer is not what it used to be. Summer is kind of like a three-month version of Christmastime—a time that is supposed to cause unfettered joy in good, well-adjusted, Valerie Plame-outing Americans but, in fact, causes any reasonably intelligent person to feel precisely the opposite, wondering throughout, What is the matter with me that I don’t love the sun-drenched days of July, the grilled hot-dog dinners, the chlorine-soaked afternoons at the pool? There’s nothing wrong with you, baby. You’re …

Aussie Love

by Nick Jezarian

In my office building the other day, I looked up at the you-have-no-option-but-to-stare-mindlessly-at-me-news clips screen in the elevator and felt exceedingly empty. No, it’s not because I’m Australian. I felt empty for Captivision, the editor/information-gathering Oompa Loompas who feed Captivision…

Meet Your Subway Sandwich Artist

by Ray Stillman

Hello, I am Manesh! I pick the bread. I am Manesh the bread picker! You tell me what type of bread you want for your sandwich and I pick it out for you! I squeeze it with my hands to…

Polish Fact

Unofficial State Mottos
Bóg, Honor, Ojczyzna ("God, Honour, Fatherland")
Za wolność Waszą i Naszą ("For your freedom and ours")
Ojczyzna, Nauka, Cnota ("Fatherland, Education, Virtue")

Learn a Foreign Tongue!

Learn German!
Gute Himmel, haben Sie einen reizenden Busen. Mag ich ihn berühren?
Good heavens, you have a lovely bosom. May I touch it?

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Literary Gimcrackery
Friday, August 5, 2005   |    Dear Y.P.R.

We Should Go Hat-Shopping Together Sometime, Pt. II

Hi Jimmy,

Just read an acticle about your huge head [“My Huge Head,” April 10, 2003]. Exactly what is the size in cm or inches? My head is 62 cm (24 inches). Just wondered if my head is large or really massive.