Thursday, August 18, 2005

sad face: Hey, man, what’s going down, yo.

happy face: Aww, doo, what’s up with your bad self??

sad face: Ya know, ya know. Keepin’ it rizzo in the shizzo.

happy face: I heard what you just said.

sad face: Nothin’ up but my pants, nothing down but my dauber, yo.

happy face: I heard that. Shit.

sad face: So you still datin’ that one ho, Melody?

happy face: You know it, I know it, you know it. Melody. Yeah.

sad face: You still goin’ to Paris next week.

happy face: Shit yeah, holmes, to Paris. With Melody, bruh. Yeah.

sad face: Can I borrow your Datsun while you’re gone, yo?

happy face: If you can stand the smell, holmes. Smell it and see what you think, doo. Here. (Opens door.)

sad face: (Taking a strong sniff.) Oh dawg!! You got some pizzoo in the wizzoo! Open up a window, yo. (Coughs.)

happy face: Nah, nah, nah, y’all didn’t have to go and get all up in my grill, boyee, homie, I’ll take a jackknife to your crabapple pie, bruh! You best watch out, flo! I’m gonna butter you up and eat you for brunch, beeyatch!

sad face: Oh dawg, but that’s like ten dead monkeys, for shizzo, keepin’ it rizzo, I’m not trying to make you dizzo or insult your Datsun, yo. (Coughs.) It’s just some foul mustard in that sandwich, Happy Face, I kid you not. Honest to Pete.

happy face: A’ight, blood, you said it and I heard it, and now I will definitely get out my knife and fork and eat you with a side of hominy and a cup of prune juice, because that’s the way it’s gonna be, G, you best flee before I brandish the blade that’s strapped to my knee.

sad face: So you don’t like honesty, my homie pie, you don’t like a man comin’ out with hard facts? How does Melody feel about this?

happy face: Now you had to go and bring her into this. Well, how about I bring you into this, beeyach—this thing called heaven! (Stabs him.) (And again.) See?

Aaron Belz is a teacher, writer, gadabout, and general nogoodnik in the city of St. Louis, Missouri. Visit his Web site at

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