Selected E-Mails to the Poet Laureate of Television from People who Mistook the Fan Web Site Nipsey Russell’s Funky Palace for the Rhymer’s Personal Homepage
The following are all [sic], except titles and redactions.
N.R. ’n’ C.N.R.
Subj: charles nelson reilly
Date: 96-10-14 00:08:36 EDT
hey nipsey, i want to start out by saying that i love your work.grandma and i would watch match game just to hear your poems. we loved your work. infact, mr. varney, the security guard at the orange,ma bank would pretend he was you and tell me poems while grandma went and did her “bank stuff.” however, what ever happened to charles nelson reilly??? i never knew what his link was in connection to the other entertainers. please, if you have any knowledge about charles, please let me know. oh, and i’ll tell mr. varney about your web page, i know he’ll be happy.
DSQ ♥ N.R.
Subj: The Wiz
Date: 96-09-24 12:21:09 EDT
I’m not sure if this is the place to ask this, but ask I will. Nipsey, have you considered performing as the Tinman in a local production of The Wiz? I am a member of Delta Sigma Theta Sorority and the chairperson of our Arts & Letters Commission. We are planning a local stage production of The Wiz for spring 97. We would absolutely LOVE to have you participate. Your performance in The Wiz was sooooo memorable. Our mission is to provide a memorable performing arts experience for the children involved in the play, that would increase their confidence, self-esteem and love for the arts. Can you help us?
St. Petersburg, Florida
Subj: You da man
Date: 97-02-07 10:49:28 EST
From: IN%”01JLSTICKLER@BSUVC.BSU.EDU” (JEFF STICKLER)
You are the greatest of all time. Everytime my friend Jean and I go out we drink a toast to you. In Nipsey
Shooting a Little Diddy
Subj: NIPSEY RULES!!!
Date: 97-04-11 02:27:50 EDT
From: email@example.com (Tony LaBarbiera)
Is it really you? Your’e the best! Were you ever on the Gong Show? How can I get a couple of 8x10’s? Shoot me out a little diddy…
Own a Piece of the Russell
Subj: We love Nipsey
Date: 97-04-10 17:32:05 EDT
From: firstname.lastname@example.org (Scott Neer)
CC: email@example.com (Jennifer Morgan), firstname.lastname@example.org (Edward Geyer), email@example.com (Christoph Gerber), firstname.lastname@example.org (Christine Dinolfo)
We here would just like to wish you the best and are avid followers of you. We are working hard here every day but once in a while need a laugh break. So, if it not too much trouble, could you send us some of your humor to brighten up our day. Thanks man.
Strength of Gibraltar
Subj: No Subject
Date: 97-04-10 17:08:24 EDT
From: email@example.com (Scott Neer)
My friend and I were and still are big fans of yours. We were recently discussing some of your guest appearances on the Gong Show. This was truly a great show. Is your music album still sold in stores? Anyway, take care of yourself.
Latin, Funk, Jazz Band Seeks Couplet Lyricist/Performer
Subj: Request for pictures
Date: 97-04-15 20:32:40 EDT
From: JBandG 01
We have a Latin, Funk, Jazz band out here in the San francisco bay area called Lengua. At the current time, we are playing various shows throughout the bay area, and we have a song that is a particular crowd favorite. It is appropriately titled “The Nipsey”. There is also a few dance steps that go along with this tune. We are in the process of working on a new demo, and designing flyers and mailers for our fans. We would love to have some pictures of you to use on some local advertisements, such as flyers, postcards, etc.. Please e-mail us at JBandG01@aol, and let us know if you can help.
Also, She Thought It Was “Hold Me Closer, Tony Danza”!
Subj: New song for Nipsy. Photo request.
Date: 97-04-21 10:31:55 EDT
From: CarlFino@compuserve.com (Carl Finocchiaro)
Thanks for the years of entertainment you have gifted us all with. I grew up to you watching all the game shows you were on. I have a great story involving you. Two weeks ago at a party, a band was playing a song by the B-52’s called “Roam.” A good friend of mine did not know the words of the tune, which a one point goes: “… Roam if you want to, roam around the world …”
Anyway, my friend incorrectly interpreted the song to be, ” .. Go Nipsy Russell, go around the world …”The party caught word of the funny mistake, and by the end of the song, everyone in the place was screaming your name in jovial fashion to the music. What a riot! Her new lyrics fit the music wonderfully.
Nipsy, is there anyway I can get an autographed picture of you to give to my friend for a present? Her name is “Mo”, and if it could reference her singing to you, that would be great.
Let me know via Email and I can forward to you my mailing address. Thanks a million!
We’re Posting It Second-Hand, but Have the Decency to Redact Her Phone Number
Subj: HI, please don’t post this message
Date: 97-11-13 03:49:43 EST
My name is Anne Leighton. I wrote a TV drama, and I’m interested in sending it to your manager in hopes of getting you to consider the part of The Coach for the show. Please email me the phone number for your manager, Joseph Rapp.
Or you can give my phone (718-[Redacted]) to him.
Date: 97-12-04 08:46:40 EST
From: jmorr@LKPB.com (John Morris)
To: nipseyr@AOL.COM (‘firstname.lastname@example.org’)
nipsey, we have been a big fan of yours for many years, i was wondering if you have a book out of your quotes or just where one can find your “quote collection.”
“Women’s Convention” / “Isle of Man” B-Side
Subj: old party record
Date: 98-01-03 23:44:22 EST
From: email@example.com (Mark /Jayna/ Chris)
Please help me resolve a 40 year question - did you (or anyone else that you know of) make a party record in the 50’s with about a half dozen monologues including “Women’s Convention” and “Isle of Man” ? If so can any sort of copy of it be had at this late date?
The Use of All Caps Is Intended to Convey His Radio Voice
Subj: No Subject
Date: 98-10-06 16:24:34 EDT
From: Funky Maat
PEACE & BLESSINGS TO YOU MY BROTHER,
I JUST WANTED TO DROP YOU A LINE AND THANK YOU FOR THE YEARS OF ENJOYMENT YOU HAVE BROUGHT TO MANY PEOPLE. I ALSO WANTED TO INVITE YOU ON MY NATIONALLY BROADCAST RADIO SHOW - HOTTEST POETS RADIO SATELLITE NETWORK. IT IS A WONDERFUL SHOW THAT DEALS WITH POETRY FROM EVERY WALK OF LIFE. I WOULD BE HONORED IF YOU WOULD CONSENT TO BEING A JUDGE AT MY POETRY SLAMS EVERY FRIDAY NIGHT AT THE NATIONAL BLACK THEATRE IN HARLEM, NY. I WOULD THEN LIKE TO HAVE YOU AS CELEBRITY GUEST ON MY RADIO PROGRAM, BROADCAST OUT OF ABC STUDIOS IN NEW YORK, ON WEVD 1050AM IN NEW YORK.
WE AIR EVERY SATURDAY NIGHT FROM 10PM - MIDNIGHT FOLLOWING LARRY KING ON WEVD.
I WOULD LIKE TO ALSO TALK TO YOU ABOUT BECOMING A CELEBRITY SPOKES PERSON FOR OUR BUILDING LITERACY THROUGH POETRY CAMPAIGN FOR THE YOUTH IN AMERICA.
PLEASE FEEL FREE TO CALL ME AT ANYTIME AT MY OFFICE. THE NUMBER IS (212) [Redacted]. MY NAME IS MATT MCCOY AND I AM THE PRODUCER OF THE SHOW.
ONCE AGAIN THANK YOU FOR YOUR CREATIVE GENIUS AND I HOPE THAT WE CAN WORK TOGETHER WITH THE MANY TALENTED YOUNG POETS IN AMERICA
It Will Hang on the Wall Between Kurt Russell and Tim Russert
Subj: great work, and a photo request
Date: 98-12-11 18:27:14 EST
From: firstname.lastname@example.org (Aaron Griffin)
Dear Mr. Russell,
Thank you for the countless years of entertainment you have given us all. Your work is truly appreciated, and you are an asset to the entertainment industry. Mr. Russell, being an ardent fan, I was wondering if you could please send me an autographed photo…it would mean a lot. Thank you in advance, and God bless.
Dallas, TX 75230
Yet Another Monkey Descant
Date: 1/12/99 1:30:47 PM Central Standard Time
From: MUWAKIL@MSN.COM (ABDUL MUWWAKKIL)
DEAR NIPSEY RUSSELL
I HAVE BEEN LOOKING FOR THE WORDS TO THE POEM ABOUT THE MONKEY HEARING
RUMORS ABOUT DESCANTING FROM HUMAN BEING.
PLEASE LET ME KNOW HOW I CAN ATTAIN THIS INFORMATION.
THANK YOU A. H. MUWWAKKIL
Nipsey 1, Humanity 0
Subj: I love ya
Date: 6/15/99 8:27:40 AM Central Daylight Time
From: email@example.com (Betty Wright)
I watched “The Wiz” on a local channel here in Mobile, AL and wondered what happened to you. Then I thought, all I need to do to find out is pull up Nipsey Russell on the internet. I remember your funny jokes and you have delighted me with your performance in the Wiz.
I wish you a long, happy, healthy life because you have certain brought job and whimsical delight into my life whenever I have been fortune enough to catch your performance.
Your are a credit to humanity.
No, It’s Nipsey Russell the Moyel
Subj: Are you for real?
Date: 7/1/99 7:42:15 PM Central Daylight Time
I was looking for an email address of a friend and came across your name. Are you THE Nipsey Russell?? The comedian?
His Peter Has Grown
Subj: WE HAVE FINALLY SOLD THE LAST OF THE PEANUT BRITTLE!!!!
Date: 8/27/99 10:04:34 PM Central Daylight Time
From: Revolut 11
With all due respect, I have to say, me and my little white boy friends have been fans of yours since we first laid eyes on WILDCATS, the movie which you stole out from under Goldie Hawn. The line “We have finally sold the last of the peanut brittle” has been one of our favorite sayings for going on ten years. I think you are the best! I am a playwright (SERIOUSLY) and have been developing a sitcom with some friends of mine and my one stipulation for the show is that we write in a re-occurring role for you, as yourself! I think you rock. It was great to see you in the Chris Rock video recently!! Keep up the goodwork!! MY HOW MY PETER HAS GROWN!!