Friday, October 7, 2005

“Hello, professor? Stockholm here. You’ve won the Nobel Prize for your work on the heat-death of the universe.”

Stars are pretty.

“Yes, well said. ‘Star light, star bright,’ as it were. You’ve out-shown them all. You’ve won, professor!”

Pretty stars …

You show us everything you’ve got … baby, baby that’s quite a lot … and you drive us wild, we’ll drive you crazy.

“Professor, so sorry. I didn’t catch that. There seems to be some
interference on the line.”

You keep on shoutin’, you keep on shoutin’ …

“Are you listening to music, professor?”

I wanna rock and roll all nite …



“Excuse me?”

Kiss Kiss Kiss.

… and party ev-er-y day!

“If this is a bad time—it must be very early there—we can call back …”

O.K., kiss kiss.

“Shall we call you back then?”

(Kickin’ Ace Frehley guitar solo.)

“We must have a bad connection. We’ll try back shortly, professor.
Congratulations! Goodbye for now.”



(Solo continues, crowd noise surges.)


(Phone buzzes.)

Bye bye stars.

Pretty stars bye bye.



A.I. Wanna Rock and Roll All Nite

by Daniel Nester

A transcript of a conversation between Gene Simmons, the bassist for the rock band KISS, and Terry Gross, host of NPR’s “Fresh Air,” originally broadcast on February 4th, 2002, with Mr. Simmons’s responses replaced by those of “a.l.i.c.e.,” an artificial-intelligence chat bot.

A Scientific Proposal to the Executive Program Directors of the ABC, CBS, Fox, and NBC Networks I know an omen when I see one, and it needn't even involve a two-headed goat.
Chuck Palahniuk Mows the Lawn Imagine vacuuming. Now, imagine the vacuum weighs 350 pounds. Now, imagine this 350-pound vacuum has a rotating blade that can take off a man's hand. Imagine that it does, only sometimes it's not a hand. Sometimes it's a leg. Sometimes...
Diamond Dave’s Sestina Today I tore my ass-less pants when I tried to do a karate kick. It’s the exact same kick I did countless times when we laid down the “Jump” video way back in the Panama-hot summer of 1984. Dude,...



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