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Friday, October 7, 2005

Phone Call Informing the New Nobel Prize Winner in Physics of His Award, Shortly after He's Had a Breakdown and Reverted to a Childlike State, as KISS Alive Plays in the Background

by David John

“Hello, professor? Stockholm here. You’ve won the Nobel Prize for your work on the heat-death of the universe.”

Stars are pretty.

“Yes, well said. ‘Star light, star bright,’ as it were. You’ve out-shown them all. You’ve won, professor!”

Pretty stars …

You show us everything you’ve got … baby, baby that’s quite a lot … and you drive us wild, we’ll drive you crazy.

“Professor, so sorry. I didn’t catch that. There seems to be some
interference on the line.”

You keep on shoutin’, you keep on shoutin’ …

“Are you listening to music, professor?”

I wanna rock and roll all nite …



“Excuse me?”

Kiss Kiss Kiss.

… and party ev-er-y day!

“If this is a bad time—it must be very early there—we can call back …”

O.K., kiss kiss.

“Shall we call you back then?”

(Kickin’ Ace Frehley guitar solo.)

“We must have a bad connection. We’ll try back shortly, professor.
Congratulations! Goodbye for now.”



(Solo continues, crowd noise surges.)


(Phone buzzes.)

Bye bye stars.

Pretty stars bye bye.


The balding author swears he's not related to Elton.