& Recently . . .

A Press Conference with New White House Spokesman Darth Vader

by Russell Hasan

Q: How are you qualified to assist President Bush and Vice President Cheney during this troubled time for the White House?
A: (Breath, breath.) I am strong with the Force. I am trained in the ways of the Force, and I have hired a team of bounty hunters to deal with the President’s critics …

Excerpts from What Lessons Can We Learn from Little Johnny, Neighborhood Scamp?—Health & Citizenship Development Series (Educational Resources Ltd.)

by Anthony Jaffe

One morning on his way to school, Johnny stopped by the creek and caught a big, fat frog, which he hid in his knapsack. Later that day, he slipped the frog into Mrs. Smith’s purse while she was writing equations…

Polish Fact

Traffic?
Major illicit producer of amphetamine for the international market; minor transshipment point for Asian and Latin American illicit drugs to Western Europe.

Learn a Foreign Tongue!

Learn Dutch!
Ik heb twee draaischijven en een microfoon.
I've got two turntables and a microphone.


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Monday, November 21, 2005   |    Daily Garfield® Digest

OF COURSE THE FAT CAT WANTS PIZZA, YOU MAROON!


Jon is seen holding the phone and then asking who wants pizza. Sign of stupidity number one - hello Jon! Why don’t you ask if they want the pizza first and then pick up the phone. Why waste your time waiting for their answers and letting the dial tone go dead? Think for crissake. No wonder your cat walks all over you. Sign of stupidity number two - Jon is asking for his pet’s opinion. Next he’s going to ask them whether or not he should buy a merkin for his mum for Christmas. I wish this guy would make a decision for himself for once. Just once. Seriously, what type of a man actually considers input from his pets before making a decision? This comic is so unrealistic.

Here’s the real thing that gets me though. I’ll play along and assume Garfield knows what Jon is saying and responds to the pizza question in the appropriate manner. In this case, the portly feline does a celebratory dance. A dance I have to trust occurs because I can’t see it. Now I’m supposed to just accept that it’s a funny dance? Talk about taking the easy way out. Why not just write, “trust me, it was funny!” in the final panel and be done with it. I’m through with having my intelligence insulted by this comic strip. Screw this fat cat and his wet noodle owner. They can both burn in hell for all I care.

I’m out of here.