& Recently . . .

Cold Turkey

Happy Thanksgiving, folks….

Aardvarks Like Root Beer: Nine Poems

by Brian Beatty

Alcoholics Anonymous Anonymous

There should be
help for people
who drink to forget

their names.

Excerpts from Other Speeches Mistakenly Attributed to Kurt Vonnegut

by Geoff Wolinetz

Speech Made by a Tour Guide at Mount Rushmore
Hello, welcome to Mount Rushmore. I’ll be your tour guide, Kurt. Please take all the photographs you like. If the H-bombs come and destroy us all, you’ll want to remember what the mountain looks like. There are four presidents carved into the mountain: Washington, who owned black people; Jefferson, who also owned black people; Lincoln, a most righteous and decent man who gave the black people their freedom; and Roosevelt, who has a moustache like mine …

Polish Fact

Temperate with cold, cloudy, moderately severe winters with frequent precipitation; mild summers with frequent showers and thundershowers.

Learn a Foreign Tongue!

Learn German!
Gute Himmel, haben Sie einen reizenden Busen. Mag ich ihn berühren?
Good heavens, you have a lovely bosom. May I touch it?

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Friday, November 25, 2005   |    Dear Y.P.R.

Starbucks Letter Regarding Seemingly Illogical Size Nomenclature

Mr. Abraham:

Pass this info along to whomever is interested. Because us Americans are such pigs, Starbucks had to add the size Venti (Italian for twenty—as in the number of ounces in the cup) to the original three sizes: short, tall, and grande. The original three make far much more sense, but we are such greedy and insatiable consumers that the company had to try and pacify the bottomless collective depths of our appetite. The guy who wrote the letter [“Dear Starbucks,” March 9, 2003] should find better ways to research and more productive ways to satisfy his curiosities, rather than knee-jerk responding in venom to the success of a responsible corporation like Starbucks. The hot barista needs to be more familiar with the company that is providing her with comprehensive health and dental among other unprecedented benefits for unskilled part-time employees.

Peace and regards,
Kevin Landers
Starbucks Partner