Y.P.R.: Subtle Changes to the Titles of Children's Shows That Would Require Drastic Changes in Program Content

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© MMIII—MMVII,
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Friday, December 2, 2005

Listicles
Subtle Changes to the Titles of Children's Shows That Would Require Drastic Changes in Program Content

by Wayne Gladstone

Dora the Ex-Whora

Bear in the Big Crack House

Jimmy Neutered

Barney the Purple Gyno-Sore

SpongeBob NoPants

Thomas the Trained Submissive

Clifford, the Big Dead God

The pWiggles¹

1 The silent “p” really chages everything.

Wayne Gladstone lives in Maine with his wife and children. Some of his work has been featured in McSweeney's and Opium. But all of it has not been featured in The New Yorker. If Wayne Gladstone were a restaurant, he would be a defunct roadside Roy Rogers sharing space with a wildly successful Bob's Big Boy. Visit Wayne at WayneGladstone.com

From the Y.P.aRchives

Fiction

Condolences Posted to the Funeral Home Web Site Upon the Death of “Zesty the Clown”
by Raleigh Drennon

What do I remember about Zesty? He was funny. Except when he performed. But when you ran into him, you know, just out in the community, at the instant check-cashing store, at the emergency room, in a holding cell, inside a Dumpster, he was always funny. Funny scary. Say, what do you call a birthday party without a clown? The end of a child’s happiness. Book me today!

—Bill Leffler
“Clunks the Clown”

Daily Garfield® Digest

He Knows When You Are Confused and Disappointed

Jon says, “Garfield … Santa Claus is coming to town!” and Garfield thinks, “Really?” and then he thinks, “He can stay in my room!” and I think Jim Davis just doesn’t care about anything at all anymore….

Poetry & Lyric

The Recently Discovered “Erotick Poetry” of Daniel Chelly-Ladbourne

Scholars at Kent College Pembury, an all-girls preparatory school in England, recently unearthed an astonishing discovery in the rectory directly below the women’s faculty quarters: a dusty trunk filled with the long-lost journals of the mildly retarded Lord Daniel Chelly-Ladbourne….

Listicles

Nice Things to Say to Chris Columbus after Seeing Rent
by Dale Dobson

I still really like your screenplay for Gremlins

Listicles Subtle Changes to the Titles of Children's Shows That Would Require Drastic Changes in Program Content