Thursday, January 12, 2006

Everywhere That I’m Not” by Translator, from the album Heartbeats and Triggers
Fifth week of July, 1982.

This song stinks. It’s annoying in the most jangly way possible. Try these lyrics: “‘Cause you’re in New York, but I’m not / You’re in Tokyo, but I’m not / You’re in Nova Scotia, but I’m not.” Then it takes him a few tries to stutter his way through the word impossible: “That’s imposs… That’s impossible—that’s im… poss… ” How many Top 40 songs were written by lyricists recovering from head wounds?

I looked up Translator—a band so culturally irrelevant as to not have a Wikipedia entry—and the only interesting things I could find about this song were a) AllMusicGuide’s squelching of the rumor that this single was written in response to John Lennon’s murder and b) this guy’s near-stalky pursuit of Translator’s denial that the Beatles were ever even in influence. So there you have it folks: the only thing worth knowing about this stupid song is that its only thing worth knowing is not true. Enjoy.

Best moment: right near the end, the singer stops singing and starts screaming (@ 3:45).


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