Thursday, January 12, 2006

— Shreek of the Week of the Day —
Partout Que Je Ne Suis Pas

“Everywhere That I’m Not” by Translator, from the album Heartbeats and Triggers
Fifth week of July, 1982.

This song stinks. It’s annoying in the most jangly way possible. Try these lyrics: “‘Cause you’re in New York, but I’m not / You’re in Tokyo, but I’m not / You’re in Nova Scotia, but I’m not.” Then it takes him a few tries to stutter his way through the word impossible: “That’s imposs… That’s impossible—that’s im… poss… ” How many Top 40 songs were written by lyricists recovering from head wounds?

I looked up Translator—a band so culturally irrelevant as to not have a Wikipedia entry—and the only interesting things I could find about this song were a) AllMusicGuide’s squelching of the rumor that this single was written in response to John Lennon’s murder and b) this guy’s near-stalky pursuit of Translator’s denial that the Beatles were ever even in influence. So there you have it folks: the only thing worth knowing about this stupid song is that its only thing worth knowing is not true. Enjoy.

Best moment: right near the end, the singer stops singing and starts screaming (@ 3:45).

—J.A.

— Fiction —

An Evening at the Tokyo Ballet

Dale Dobson

The curtain rises on a bare stage, occupied only by a large wooden barrel upon which is mounted an enormous spigot. As the lights come up, the orchestra launches into the delicate opening phrases of composer-choreographer Ittoru Sakitaru's Ballet of the Salarymen . . .

— Shreek of the Week of the Day —

Do You Hear Me? Do You Care?

"Words" by Missing Persons, from the album Spring Session M. Fourth week of July, 1982. Annoying, annoying, annoying. And if you sing it in your head, eventually you find the melody and lyrics drifting toward "Walking in L.A.", Missing Persons'...

— Fiction —

An Entry to the M.P.A.A.'s Contest in Which College Students Are Asked to Make a P.S.A. about the Problem of Online Piracy

Jesse Singal

Billy and Timmy are in a car on the highway. Billy, who is driving, has two laptops perched on his lap and a third on the dashboard. Timmy, the passenger, has five laptops of his own. Billy: [Furiously typing, switching...

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