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The Journal of Literary Satire | Hastily Written & Slopilly Edited
Friday, January 27, 2006   |    Listicles

Suggested Names for Racehorses Expected to Have Undistinguished Careers

Three-legged Man O' WarAverage at Best
Ayn Rand’s Condescending Sigh
Buyer’s Remorse
Choke On Your Damned Caviar Then You Pompous Prick
Cloud of Suspicion
Colic the Wonder Horse
Daddy Drinks Because I’m Slow
Exit Strategy
Faster Than God and Seabiscuit Put Together
Fond of Long Naps
For the Love of God Run Faster
Glued Lightening
Hell Is Other Horses
Hitler Reborn
I Have No Son
Limp to Victory
Low Expectations
Luck o’ the Amish
My Big Fat Fucking Pony
Pride of Two Guys With No Business Owning a Horse
Shoulda Bought a Monkey
Slim to None
Some Budding Young Actress’s Fit of Pique
Squeak of Defiance
Stupid Gypsy Curse
This Is Your Horse On Drugs
Torpor Unbound
Tripsy McStumble
Undisguised Contempt For All Things French
War Criminal

Mike Richardson-Bryan used to be a lawyer, but he's all better now. No, really. His work has also appeared on McSweeney's Internet Tendency, in the pages of Cracked, Stitches, and The Wittenburg Door, and recently appeared in The Best American Nonrequired Reading 2007. He lives in Ottawa, Ontario, Canada with one wife and two dogs.