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The Journal of Literary Satire | Hastily Written & Slopilly Edited
Tuesday, January 24, 2006

The Week in Craig

Hi! My name is Amy Blair and I’m totally … easy! I also like taking drugs, fucking dudes, and fucking dudes while taking drugs! When I was seventeen, one of my best friends threw up in my mouth when we were having an orgy. True story! Some of my favorite things include the Yankees, Court TV, blowjobs, and getting high and watching Elf. I hate Dave Matthews, having to “work,” and white people! But enough about me. Let’s talk about the Black Table editors, Eric Gillin, Will Leitch, A.J. Daulerio, and Aileen Gallagher. And then let’s totally talk about me some more! Do you want to hear the one about my lesbian cats, the blender, and the pile of crap in the middle of the living room floor? How about the one in which I’m drunk, wearing a cape, and accidentally get thrown out of a car in Hoboken, New Jersey? Heard that one already? O.K., I’ve got one for you … did you hear the one about the Edge from U2, a fireball, and the cop who felt me up …

O.K., really. Enough about me. (My God, this is hard!).

A.J. Daulerio …

Toilet, American Standard 1992

This toilet is a little used American Standard Cadet white round front purchased 1992, good condition. Free if you pick up at our Riverhead location. If interested, please include your telephone number in your reply.

I’ll never forget that Christmas party in December, 2001. I had been gargling tequila all night when I got the bright idea to punch Eric Gillin, Will Leitch, Greg Lindsay, and A.J. Daulerio in the gut. Dutifully, they took turns “making their muscles” while I reared back and walloped them in the stomach. To their credit, each of them took it like a man. Until I got to A.J. I reared back all right, except my landing was all off (oopsies, tequila!) and nailed him right below the belt buckle with a right hook.

I spent the next three hours slumped over my toilet. I healed, but God knows, A.J.’s balls have never been the same.

Eric Gillin …

looking for a sex partner (female only) - m4w

Hello. My name is Eric. I am from Russia and will spend next few months on Staten Island. I am looking for a sex partner (females only) to spend some of the lonely afternoons.

Christ, Eric, haven’t you gotten laid yet? The advantages of running a moderately successful Web site, I have observed, are friendships with other losers running moderately successful Web sites, two free beers once a year at your Web site’s annual celebration party, and an endless supply of perky young sex disguising itself as “Web submissions.” Dude. Fuck something. For the love of God.

Will Leitch …

Wanted Amateur Pics of hot women

will pay for adult amateur pictures pf women in various poses. Please e-mail for further information. Big bust a plus but not required.

You may not know this, but Will Leitch was once my roommate. Ironically enough, I found him on Craigslist. He showed up at my apartment carrying a briefcase and the first thing he did was curtsy, call me ma’am, and look down my shirt. Will Leitch is literally OBSESSED with breasts. I think that pretty much sums it up.

Aileen Gallagher …

Adult Toy Reviewer – is an online adult editorial and review source. We are a portal for the consumer who is seeking information and consensus on adult-related products such as film, websites and erotic literature. The Toys section of is seeking experienced writers to review products of all varieties. Must be open-minded and flexible. Familiarity with products a plus. Our product reviewers are witty, talented, and speak to the reader, while still putting together concise and professional reviews. Hours are flexible; compensation is minimal. Desire to be part of a fast-growing team.

You must be over 21 and live in the New York City area for meetings. PLEASE INCLUDE AT LEAST ONE NON-FICTION WRITING SAMPLE AND A RÉSUMÉ. Applications without any of the required elements will be not be considered.

Hey, Aileen, at least you’ll be getting paid for doing what you’re already doing. No?

By the way, assholes, why didn’t any of you ever think of this? I’m forced to borrow two dollars to get home from work, while you dickheads are giving away the Black Table for free …

WEBSITE OWNERS: Make extra income off of your site

If you have a website that gets a good amount of traffic I can help you make money off your site.

Hey, Black Table editors … none of you will ever, ever, ever get the chance to dry-hump me.

Love ya!!!


Amy Blair, winner of The Village Voice's Best Website's Summary of Another Website award, is eager to be called horrible names on Craig's List. Bring it.