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The Journal of Literary Satire | Hastily Written & Slopilly Edited
Friday, March 17, 2006

Paul Stanley Summarizes The Tragedies of William Shakespeare During Between-Song Banter from the 1977-78 KISS Alive II Tour

Assembly Center
Tulsa, Oklahoma, January 26, 1977

Paul: Yeah! You all are crazy, Tulsa! I think … I think … I think Tulsa might be the craziest place we played ON THIS TOUR. That’s right, Tulsa! You know what gets me crazy, Tulsa? You wanna knooooooooow what gets me CRAAAAA-AAAAA-AAAA-ZEEEEEE? I get craaaaazeeee when I see them young girls, Tulsa. I see ’em walkin’ down the street so young and clean and I just can’t help myself, people! Remind me of another young boy couldn’t help himself when he saw them young girls. And I ain’t talkin’ about just anybody Tulsa! I ain’t talking about you … or me … or Peter or Ace or even Gene, people! I’m talking bout a man named Romeo, Tulsa! ROOOOO-MEEEEEEE-OOOOOOH! My man Romeo he loved them young girls, Tulsa, oh YEAH, he loved ’em! And this one girl he loved her special. You know who I’m talkin’ about … shout it out Tulsa … tell me Romeo and …
Audience: JULIET!
Paul: What you say Tulsa? I can’t HEEAAAR YOU.
Audience: JULIET!
Paul: That’s right, Tulsa. This song is about a Juliet all my own, a little girl named … CHRISTINE SIXTEEN!

Kemper Arena
Kansas City, Missouri, November 27, 1977

Thank you, Kansas City! Thank you! Ace Frehley on guitar, Kansas City! Yeah! Give it up, people! The Space Ace! Hold on now, Kansas City … let’s bring it down now … let’s bring it dooooooown noooooow. Let’s bring it down ’cause I gotta talk about something now, Louisville … I gotta talk about love. Have you ever been in LOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE? I said have you ever been in LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE?!?! You ever been in that can’t get enough of each other, can’t wait to see her, she can’t wait to see me, I wanna sink ships, go to war, kill myself love, Kansas City? I’m sayin you ever been in Antony-and-Cleopatra love, people? Have you, Kansas City!?! When you in love like that, people, you know, only one thing in your mind, and it ain’t walkin’, it ain’t talkin’, it ain’t your job or your mamma or your daddy, people! Only thing on your mind when you’re in Antony-and-Cleopatra love, Kansas City, the only thing you’re thinking is I WAS MADE … FOR LOVIN’ … YOU!

Veterans Memorial Arena
Des Moines, Iowa, November 29, 1977

That’s right, people! You wanted the best and you got it! We are the KINGS, Des Moines! The KINGS OF ROCK AND ROLL! Salute, Des Moines! Pray at the ALTAR, Des Moines! But I gotta talk to you about something tonight, Des Moines, because bein’ the king ain’t so easy, people. It ain’t eeeezeeeeeee! You don’t believe that, if you don’t belieeeeeeve that, Des Moines, well then you can just check out my man Macbeth. I’m talkin’ about pressure, Des Moines. I’m talking about muuuuuuuurdeeeeeeer and maaaaaaaadneeeeessssssss. I said MURDER! and I said MAAADNESSSSSSS!. It ain’t everybody can stand bein’ the king is what I’m tellin’ you, people. But I’m here to tell you, Des Moines, that I’m the man ready for the job, Des Moines. I ain’t no Macbeth people. Because I … AM KING … OF THE NIGHTTIME WORLD!

Omaha Auditorium
Omaha, Nebraska, November 30, 1977

Yeah! Hotter Than Hell! How you like that, Omahaaaaaaaaa! It’s a hot night tonight! HOT! HOT! It is HOT here in the Civic Arena and we gonna make it even HOTTER, ain’t we, Omaha? AIN’T WE, OMAHA?!?! Let me tell you, Omaha, we’re lucky to be hot tonight. Yeah! We’re luuuuuuckeeeeeee. Some people out there, people, they ain’t got nothing at all, living in the street, serving water for a meal. Warm water, Omaha! That ain’t no feast! But that was a feast, people, that was a FEAST PEOPLE for my man Timon of Athens. That’s right, Omaha! And everybody know, Omaha, that when you’re out on the street for a living, they got you under their thumb, people! They got you under their THUMB, people! Can you give me the chorus? I said CAN YOU GIVE ME THE CHORUS? Whooo, Black Diamond!

St. Paul Civic Arena
St. Paul, Minnesota, December 2, 1977

St. Paaaaaaaauuuuuuuuul! How we doing St. Paul! You know KISS is always workin’ overtime for you, people! We workin’ like James Brown. Like O.J. Simpson, people! That’s right, St. Paul! KISS is fighting a rock and roll war, brothers. We gonna build us a rock and roll city. We gonna take a lesson from a guy you mighta heard about, ST. PAAAAUUUUUL. A guy named Caesar! We gonna take a lesson and we gonna fight that war and we gonna watch our back and we gonna build that city. You know what that city is called, people? DO YOU KNOW WHAT THAT CITY IS CALLED?! It ain’t Rome! It ain’t New York City. It ain’t even St, Paul, people! That city is called … DETROIT! ROCK! CITY!

Dane County Expo Center Coliseum
Madison, Wisconsin, December 3, 1977

That was Gene Simmons, Madison! GENE SIMMONS! I gotta tell you Madison. We been all over this country and there ain’t nothin’ like those good Madison, Wisconsin, women! Yeah! You know what I’m talking about, people! You know I seen women all over this world, people, and there ain’t nothin’ like a Midwest woman. Woooooo! One thing about a Madison woman, people, she always tells you what’s on her mind. ON HER MIIIIIIIIND. Let me tell you about a straight shooter named Cordelia, people! She told it like it was. I’m talkin’ ‘bout no bullshit, people. She looked her daddy right in the eye and she told him how it was, people. And her daddy wadn’t just any daddy, Madison. Her daddy was KING LEAAAAAR, Madison. Now I’m tellin’ you what, people: you need a good woman like Cordelia around, Madison. A good WISCONSIN WOMAN because I’m tellin’ you people … when that time comes…I’m sayin’ when that times comes, people, and you gotta look your woman in the eye … you gotta look your woman in the eye, now, Madison, and you gotta ask her that question … that one question we all wanna know. I say I know you love my … LIMOUSINE! I say I know you love my … CREDIT CARDS! I know you love … ROCK AND ROLL! But I just got this one question, left, baby … one question for you, Madison … DO … YOU … LOVE … ME?!?

Dave Housley does not have time NOT HAVE TIME NO TIME! When he does have time, he writes fiction and stuff for places like Ballyhoo Stories, Columbia, Nerve,Sycamore Review, and others. He's one of the founders and editors of Barrelhouse magazine. His collection of fiction, Ryan Seacrest is Famous, will be published in October by Impetus Press.